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please share how you get 5yr old to do anything!

7 replies

Babytalkobsession · 19/05/2019 21:57

Really really struggling with keeping my cool dealing with me 5yr old. He's exhausting. Doesn't listen or comply to anything until I really lose my temper. It's like he enjoys seeing me snap and wants to push me to that breaking point. This is for anything, getting shoes on through to doing something fun like going to the zoo for a day out, going up to bed, getting dressed.

He needs something constantly, he interrupts all the time, doesn't let me think or talk to his dad, doesn't really play or get engrossed in anything. He tends to flit from one thing to another creating a huge mess in every room, tipping things over etc.

I can't leave him alone with his little brother as he kicks / hits him. He can be deliberately unkind to the cat too.

He is never tired, difficult to get to bed until at least 8 but mostly closer to 9pm. There's just no let up.

I'm really at my wits end. At school he's fine, he's sociable and plays well with friends. He has lots of friends and quite a lot of play dates.

I believe all his behaviour issues are normal / typical of a 5 year old, it's just it's constant. By the end of a weekend I feel physically stressed.

How should I discipline him? He has no respect for me or his dad, doesn't give a shit about stickers or charts ( unless there's a clear path to a prize ). We send him to his room to 'calm down' or have quiet time but it doesn't make any difference. There is very little he really loves so confiscating stuff is hard. I'm at a loss and feel like a total failure to be honest. I don't like being a shouty mum.

Please help! Confused

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Joopy · 20/05/2019 00:33

I'm no expert! He sounds fairly similar to my 5 year old.
I would say lots of praise when he does things right.
Clear instructions so no excuses
Mine can't play on his own so I prefer going to a park or organising a play date
Mine also does the interupting constantly! I say daddy's talking and then give him my attention afterwards
What does he like doing with you?

Jossina · 20/05/2019 00:35

Are you giving him enough positive attention? If he doesn't get enough he's left trying for the only attention he can get: negative.

Babytalkobsession · 20/05/2019 06:35

Thank you both. I would say we are good at giving positive attention, we praise every small thing, and he gets lots of cuddles etc.

He is a lot better 1 on 1, usually pretty lovely in fact but it's not that often we get 1 on 1 time. He's also a lot better when we're out.

Definitely days at home are a pressure point.

I'm thinking I need to work on my ability to handle the stress. Yesterday was a day where I had a list of things to get done and it felt like he was deliberately sabotaging (I know this isn't really what he's doing).

OP posts:
Jossina · 20/05/2019 07:50

Is there any way you can get someone else to watch him for a while? Even for 30 minutes? How does he do at school?

VaselineOnToast · 20/05/2019 14:56

It's effing hard, isn't it? My son is 4.5 and often like this. I have found that he is more receptive to listening to me/doing what I ask if we feel 'connected' (which can be tricky as I often feel ridiculously annoyed with him).

You might find Deborah MacNamara's work useful: macnamara.ca/portfolio/the-surprising-secret-behind-kids-resistance-and-opposition/

KS1607 · 05/06/2019 16:55

I have a 4 year old and she is a nightmare. I have a younger baby he is 9 months old. She sometimes isnt nice to him will push him and hit him. I can not leave her alone with him! Listening! She doesnt listen one little bit i could be sat right infront of her and she doesnt listen! She has a chart which she really enjoys but doesnt stop her misbehaving! Her temper is so short and screams and shouts at the slightest thing buttoning up her school top, doing puzzles, if she cant do anything. She also doesnt eat ive battled all her life with eating it takes her so long as she gets easily distracted. Battle her to brush her teeth, do her hair, get dressed. She is very hyperactive talks very fast runs everywhere climbs! Im just hoping she will grow out of this anyone got any advice?? (Sorry for the essay)

alibali88 · 13/06/2019 00:46

Sounds similar to my 5 year old daughter. No issues at school but a nightmare at home. I’d say 2 days a week she’s a joy, the other 5 are hell.

Toddler type tantrums most days, screaming, banging doors/walls, throwing things. In the last week she’s started hitting me. Rarely follows an instruction. Actively looks for a negative reaction/argument from adults and other children.

This all started when she started school last year.

Unfortunately no advice, just understanding ☹️

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