My temper is getting worse and I’m scared

[Missymoose]

I have a 7 year old son and a 6 year old daughter over the past few months I’ve noticed I’ve changed as a parent I’m super angry all the time I seem to have lost my
Way with my children I shout and swear and I’m just a bitch most of the time . Their behaviour is getting worse and I blame
Myself completely my son is very violent and aggressive and although we are looking into having him checked for ADD Or ADHD I can’t help this crippling guilt that it’s all my fault because I’ve developed this temper !
I was always such a calm mum and everyone used to say I had so much patience but it’s disappeared and I find myself crying most days because I’ve blown up again. I’ve even had some suicidal thoughts because I feel like they would be better off without me but I am
Prone to having negative thoughts when I feel depressed I wouldn’t act on them but I’m just putting it out there that I’m really at a low point of my life as I feel like I’ve completely failed my 2 beautiful children my son seems to be under the impression he’s just a “bad kid” I don’t want him to belive this about himself but maybe because I shout so much he thinks he is terrible now . My daughter was always a parent pleaser she would do anything to make us happy and give her praise and now she just says no I’m worried I’ve damaged her self esteem with my shouting and put downs . I’m trying to be honest because I need some advice any family and friends will say “ your a great mum don’t worry it’s a phase “ but I don’t see it from this perspective as I don’t want my children being depressed because of my erratic parenting . I just feel useless I’m struggling to get housework done and everything feels too much

Any advice would be great

I hear you MissyMoose

You are in a really difficult situation and you must be under a lot of stress.

Since you asked for advice, here are some thing that can help:

Do go to the GP and pursue that assessment for your DS. This is the worst time, not knowing if he has a real problem or not. Once you know what you are dealing with, you will start to find better ways to manage him, his behaviour will get better, and it will get easier for all of you.

Do tell the GP how you are feeling yourself. You sound burnt out.

If the GP suggests a parenting group, do go along. It's very hard to think "I need to be more patient" It's easier if you have some plans ahead of time - when are you going to praise him, what behaviour are you just going to totally ignore, even writing down a list of little consequences that you can choose from when he is really naughty, what to try when he's not doing as he's told. A parenting group will help you work that out, step by step, so you'll be following your plan and you wont feel the need to shout so much. And you'll feel better too.

Don't forget to look after yourself! That's not being selfish, parenting an aggressive child is is very draining and if you are rested then you will be a better parent to both your children. If possible try to get a bit of time each day (or each week) to yourself to do something that rests and refreshes you. Can your family help out with the children so you get a regular break?

Take care.

I understand where you're coming from - my son is also 7, and I feel like my patience has run out, even though I was fairly saintly for a long time! Perhaps it's because they no longer seem as little, and you feel like they should know better by this point? Something I'm also considering is that I'm starting to get close to menopause and I find myself a bit more 'moody' than usual. I've started to increase the amount of sleep /exercise/"me" time, and found this has helped a little bit.

And silly me I forgot to say - you have not failed your children and you are anything but useless. The opposite. You are a loving Mum doing your very best for them through a tough time. And that's worth so much

Thanks ladies for replying I don’t think I’m heading towards menopause just yet as I’m 28 but I won’t rule it out anyway . I am
Burnt out and I have so much guilt it’s terrible my little girl can only be described as annoying follows me everywhere and always wants to be involved and I feel like this should not be annoying this a beautiful part of her personality and She loves me and wants to be near me . I don’t want to shout so often that I end up with children who have learned to cope with my rage and just block it out and are immune to it I still want to have a little bit of authority but it seems I’ve lost my way completely . My partner is helpful but as most
Mums the majority of the housework, school runs, parenting is all
On me x

Also my
Mum
Lives about 1.5 hours away that’s my
Only Family and she’s isn’t the most
Helpful grandparent maybe once every 2/3 months the children can go and stay there for a night or 2 but I don’t usually
Spend the time I have free relaxing I usually end up just staying up
Late or going for a meal and then shopping or something x

I have a 7 year old son with Aspergers and a 4 year old daughter. My son is very testing and I feel similar to you, like I’m always angry and losing it with both of them when they’re bickering, hitting each other etc.
Even though I have good/bad days, just make sure you’re having enough time for yourself and make yourself a priority.
Don’t feel guilty for putting yourself first, because doing this means your children get the best version of you.
Chase GP for your son. I always say that I fought to get a ‘label’ for my son, because this way I understand and can arm myself with everything there is to know about his condition. Knowledge is power! Take care.