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Original poster

getting rid of trainer pants - any advice please

30 replies

Easy · 13/09/2004 13:13

DS is just 5, started school 2 weeks ago.

He has been well toilet trained since 3 1/2, and has excellent bladder control during the day, but up to now has always worn trainer pants at night. a personal situation with me stopped me enforcing night-dryness earlier.

Anyway, earlier this year I wanted to get him dry at night, but he wouldn't co-operate. So we agreed we would wait until he was 5. After his birthday I gave him a few days to settle at school (he loves it), then I explained that as soon as the current packet of trainer pants was empty he would not wear them any more. We counted down the pack last week, and by Friday he had none left.

Friday night he was dry, I gave him a small pressie for being a good boy.
Saturday night was dry, until he woke up at 7:30 a.m. , I thought he'd probably wee'd just as was waking up. I said "never mind, try a bit harder tonight"
Last night he was wet when we went to bed, so we changed him, got him to squeeze a few drops out on the loo, put him back to bed. He got up wet before us at 7:00.

Now he's bright, understands exactly what's required, but didn't want me to stop using trainer pants. Friday night suggests he CAN do it. Is this usual behaviour, where it get's worse rather than better, or is he trying to wind us up, forcing us to put him back into trainer pants?

I've promised him a big(ish) present from ELC when he's completed 7 nights dry in a row, but to be honest he doesn't seem that bothered (just had a load of birthday pressies)

two weeks ago I asked him what his school friends would think about him still wearing trainer pants. He gave a gallic shrug and just said "we won't tell them".

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Dingle · 13/09/2004 13:56

Ds was 5 last month, he was still in trainers pants at night until last summer hols. I must admit, I think he would have done it sooner but I was waiting for him to be dry at night before taking him out of them. Realistically I think that he knew he was safe to wee and became too secure about wetting.
I made up a star chart, for several weeks but he was dry with a week or so. Ds loved putting the stars on the chart and could count how many more he needed to get a small reward. How about making the target smaller for now, 7 dry nights might seem a bit to much at this stage, why not try 2 or 3 and go from there?
Are you lifting him, or waking him before you go to bed?
Good luck! It may take a bit of time, and he has a lot to deal with by starting at school to!

Original poster
Easy · 13/09/2004 14:00

Dingle,

I had decided not to do lifting at our bed-time, as I don't see how that gets them to learn their own bladder control. Have heard lots on here from parents who have to carry on lifting for months or years!

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Dingle · 13/09/2004 14:08

Must admit Easy, it was a concern of mine, but we did start with waking him before we go to bed.I was very reluctant to take him to the toilet without really waking him up properly as I wanted him to be aware why we were waking him. It did work for us, and if he is out of routine, gone to bed later, or poorly, we do still wake him, but don't rely on doing it every night.
You have to do whatever is best for ds and you as a family. But I personally,wouldn't say don't try it as a stepping stone to him being independant at night, but only when the time seems right for you..IYSWIM.

Original poster
Easy · 13/09/2004 14:13

Cheers Dingle.

I won't rule out lifting, but want to try without for a few more days first. One reason is that I'm disabled, and now can't carry my ds (who is a big boy) myself. If dh has to go away, as he was alot over the summer, I just couldn't do it.

I will think of a variation on the star chart. We used star charts alot over summer hols for behaviour, and I was enjoying having a rest from them, as school seems to have picked up behaviour a lot. Will find somer jolly stickers and try a chart with them I think.

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Dingle · 13/09/2004 14:24

My dd, who is fast approaching 3, has DS and I am getting quite involved in her Speech and lang. program. Found a thread on here mentioning SN books, can't remember the details, sorry. On having a quick look they had some reusable reward charts that I am going to adapt for dd. Laminated pictures according to ds's likes. eg,if her likes cars, you could do a pic of a road, laminate it, together with cut outs of cars, vans...and stick one on with velcro in replace of a star!!
Can't wait to make ours, taking me back to my childhood.

Dingle · 13/09/2004 14:32

Sorry Easy, didn't even acknowlegde your lifting problem. I am a wicked mum, when I do wake ds, he walks to the toilet himself, is a bit wobbly and sleepy, and afterwards, goes straight back to sleep. It's hopefully another option for you if and when you need to try it.

Original poster
Easy · 13/09/2004 19:15

bump just in case there are any other tips out there

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hmb · 13/09/2004 19:22

Go commando, let him feel what it is like to wet, otherwise he woun't think there is any reason to bother and go for a star chart with a reward. Ds is 4.5 and we found it easier than we had anticipated.

roisin · 13/09/2004 19:29

No tips Easy, but please don't stress about it. Because he's managed it once, doesn't mean he necessarily can do it: that's hard to judge. DS2 was 5 in May, and I know he can't do it. Every now and then he wants to try, and I encourage that, but it just results in mountains of laundry, which I can't face for more than 3 or 4 days at a stretch!

If your ds can do it, he can do it in trainer pants too if that's the battle he doesn't want to fight. Can you focus on the rewards for 'dry trainer pants', rather than 'dry bed without trainer pants'?

Btw I like his gallic shrug and "we won't tell them" ... he's obviously got a well-balanced personality and high self-esteem

clary · 13/09/2004 23:33

Easy, my DS1 (5) was out of nappies at 2.5, confidently dry by 3.5, but at nearly 4 still wet at night. In the end we did it by persistence, as you say, some dry nights, some wet. I has simply decided that it was time. Though some say on here to wait a bit, I personally wd be inclined to persist with no nappies. I suspect there may be an element of "safety" in nappy and you just need to bite the bullet and leave it off. I recall my HV said don't bring the nappy back in, it's confusing for them.

It took us quite a while for seven dry nights and the consequent present but I didn't mind as long as he was mostly dry.

Liek Dingle's idea of a road to victory...friend of mine does similar thing with a train for rail-obsessed DS.

BTW have you tried limiting juice/squash? On HV's advice we cut it out after 4pm (plenty of drink, but only water/milk). Rinema we found the worst for this, a drink of it after 5pm guarenteed a wet night!

BTW have you tried cutting out

clary · 13/09/2004 23:34

sorry, that post was more messy than usual! Ignore last "BTW have you tried", and rimena is actually Ribena!!

Original poster
Easy · 14/09/2004 17:41

Hello all,

I'm trying to persist with this. This morning he woke us at 6:00, cos he was wet. We got him up, and dh gave him a good wash all over, which wasn't what he expected. Put him back into a clean bed, lights out until 7:15. Something he said suggests that he woke up, but didn't want to get up for a wee, so just did it in bed. I'm not sure. but hmb I agree, he needs to know just how yucky it is, to make him get up to wee. Roisin, we tried for ages to ask for dry trainer pants, but he just doesn't see the point. He knows ehat trainer pants are for, so he might as well wet them.

Clary, I've heard about Ribena before. Yes will stick to milk after tea time to see if it helps.

So going to try a while longer yet, he does have high self-esteem, and the desire to control us, so I can't give in at this stage.

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roisin · 14/09/2004 18:58

Good luck Easy - let us know how you get on!

Maybe ds2 and I are being a bit lazy, I don't know. I just know that ds1 went from having a sodden nappy in the morning, to being completely dry (13 hrs in bed, no lifting or anything) literally overnight when he was about 4 3/4. Plus my boys share a room and both turn into complete monsters if they don't get enough sleep, so disturbed nights are just not an option for me atm. But I will watch with interest to see how you get on.

Btw how is school going? And did your sunflowers ever come out?!

Original poster
Easy · 14/09/2004 22:13

hi Roisin, I'll keep you informed.

The sunflowers have flowered! The tall one 9'2" has a wonderful big flower on it. The shorter plant has eventually produced quite a small flower, but ds is thrilled by it never the less.

And school is a great success! still only 1/2 days yet, until next week, but he loves it. He got the class achievement award last week for his reading ability (one per class awarded in Friday assembly) so I'm impressed too. Now we just have to get him to dress each morning, in time, without a fuss.

Hope your boys are OK.

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roisin · 14/09/2004 22:20

That sounds great Easy - positive praise in schools is fantastic - well done your ds!

I'm very relieved to hear about your sunflowers too

Original poster
Easy · 15/09/2004 11:13

Woke up wet this morning again, but this time 6:30 a.m. so it seems to be getting later. Washed him, changed his bed, made him get back in until 7:15, he wanted to go and watch telly, but I thought that might be playing into his hands a bit (I'm a mean mum).

Tomorrow we're going to surprise him, dh has to get up at 5:15 to go off to London, so is going to put him on the loo then (hmmm, what did I say about lifting )

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Original poster
Easy · 16/09/2004 13:44

for anyone not soooo bored with this they have gnawed off their own leg ....

dh went in at 5:30 this morning, to put ds on the toilet. He was already wet (but fast asleep). so we changed him, and he went back to sleep (I think).

my childminder suggests no drink in the last hour before bedtime. will try it

Oh, does anyone know the best way to dry the matress protectors that have a terry toweling coating on them? takes hours on the line, problem on a wet day.

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Original poster
Easy · 21/09/2004 20:34

I'm thinking of giving up for a while.
Friday night we lifted him at about 11:30, was dry on sat Morning , but he got up early
Sat night we lifted him, was dry sunday morning but he got up early
Sunday night we needed an early night. We lifted him about 10:15, he woke up wet about 6:45
Monday night we went to lift him about 11:00, already wet , got him to go to loo again before back to bed, but he slept late this morning till 8:15, woke up wet .

By now I honestly think he doesn't know he's doing it, and we're tired of changing beds (using bedmats, but the sheet and duvet cover need washing).

But he is 5, shouldn't he be able to manage? and if we give up will it send wrong messages?

BTW, he isn't distressed about wetting (except the feeling when he is wet of course), and would be happy to go back into dry-nites (which are cheaper than bl**dy bedmats).

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Dingle · 21/09/2004 20:44

Easy, sorry to hear that it's still a hard slog for you.
We used the bed protectors from Toys'r'us, from what I remember they were about £12-13, but we only ever needed two. They wash & dry lovely, OK in the tumble dryer too if needed. We will be using them again with dd when the time comes.

Original poster
Easy · 21/09/2004 20:50

Thanx Dingle. I can't decide whether to keep buying bedmats, or buy more mattress protectors, and pay higher elec bills to wash and tumble them.

After buying the bedmats, I've come to the conclusion that even cigarettes are a cheap hobby (not that I smoke, always thought it was like setting £5 notes on fire).

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Dingle · 21/09/2004 20:56

When you say bedmats, do you mean the disposable one?
We used a full matress protector under his sheet, a just used the washable pad thing on top, the ones we used have a rubbery backing( which helps keep it in place, even with a little wriggler!) and a quilted, cotton top. We have been quite lucky, most times he did wet, it was only the pad that got wet, and not the under terrry sheeet, quilt....etc
Did you decide to do some sort of reward chart thingy?

Original poster
Easy · 21/09/2004 20:59

yes the disposable Pampers bedmats £4.95 per pack of 7. Started on Friday putting one over the full mattress protector, which is a pain to dry. But you are telling me that there is a non-disposable version?

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roisin · 21/09/2004 21:00

I was talking to a friend, and she was suggesting I had given up to easily with ds2. But she's been making concerted efforts with her dd (same age) for 3 months now: all the usual strategies, and is STILL getting 2 or 3 wet beds a week She thinks this is success btw.

Sorry, but I am just not prepared to go through that, especially not with winter looming.

Dingle · 21/09/2004 21:00

Yes, I'm not very sucessful with links, but I'll try to find it foryou. Be back soon!

Original poster
Easy · 21/09/2004 21:01

oh, and trying with a chart, but he's not really interested ATM. Done charts to death I think.

Tried with money over the weekend, and I thought that was working

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