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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

I think I may be smoothering my DS

24 replies

grouchyoscar · 19/07/2007 01:04

DS is my one and only and I do not intend to have more DCs

DS went 4 today. Looking at other kids and other conversations I note that DS makes few attempt to dress himself. I just do it as a matter of course. He never helps to tidy up after himself but I've never demanded it. He's not attempting to be dry at night and even after 9 months of day time dryness he will have accidents as he's occupied doing something else or will splash his pants and just leave them in the bathroom. I'll pick them up and get him new ones.

Should I demand/encourage more independance from him? Should I use the next 6 weeks as DS's boot camp?

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Tortington · 19/07/2007 01:06

yes

Original poster

grouchyoscar · 19/07/2007 01:18

I know, It has to be yes.

The only parenting role model I have is MIL and to TBH she's a doormat when It comes to her DCs and GD. I'm just following suit really.

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Tortington · 19/07/2007 01:49

what you have to consider is this.

your main purpose in your childs life is to raise them to become effective adults who can perform well in society.

so how many mummies boys have you dated? that left their under crackers on the bathroom floor

GryffindorGHOSTY · 19/07/2007 02:25

"your main purpose in your childs life is to raise them to become effective adults who can perform well in society"

Custy's words of wisdom. I wholeheartedly agree.

Your 4 year old should be able to get dressed by himself. You owe it to him to learn to tidy up after himself and teach him (gently) to be a bit more independent at this age.

weasleymum · 19/07/2007 04:17

If you encourage a child to be independent and take responsibility, everyone wins.

You - it's less work.
Teachers, relatives, other parents - ditto.
Future partners - they are easy to live with.
but most of all - the child. Being able to do stuff for themselves is such a self-esteem booster. I'd say, go for it.

Othersideofthechannel · 19/07/2007 06:49

Agree with the others, but tread carefully with the toileting accidents.
Obviously you don't want to be a doormat tidying up after everyone etc. But independence also comes when they are ready at this stage. Compared to his little sis, my DS doesn't have an independent streak and until the last couple of months (he is 4.4) didn't really want to do much by himself or even go to the end of the garden (long) alone. I have always insisted on him helping with tidying up, but as far as dressing himself etc is concerned he has always been behind his peers. Suddenly he has suddenly decided he wants to do everything by himself. He was also late to toilet train.

KTNoo · 19/07/2007 08:24

I would definitely expect self-dressing at this age. My ds (also just 4) would happily let me dress him but he's starting school after the summer and will be expected to do a lot for himself there. I also have 2 others (1 older, 1 younger) so to be honest I just don't have time to do everything for him. I do think 4 year old boys in particular can be quite dreamy and unfocused so he might not do the things you want him to easily.

Obviously with an only child things will be different from if you have more than one, but it's still a good idea to encourage independence.

I would also go easy with the toileting. My ds also has accidents - I tend to just tell him to put his wet pants in the washing basket and go and get dry ones - all of which he is quite capable of. I wouldn't worry about night time yet - my eldest was 5 before she stopped night nappies and I think it's normal until 7 in some children.

Original poster

grouchyoscar · 19/07/2007 11:33

Thanks for the pep talks ladies.

I've started the boot camp and so far it seems to be working. I've been telling him (kindly) to pick up after himself and I've stopped helping him do stuff if he doesn't help.

He found his drumsticks and put them away this morning. He was very proud of himself.

He asked to make breakfast.

Why didn't I do this sooner?

OP posts:

meandmy · 19/07/2007 11:35

encourage him do it in as if playing a game oh look mommy can get her socks shoes on faster than ds etc lots praise

ConnorTraceptive · 19/07/2007 11:36

i suspect he'll love his new found independance and will feel quite proud of achieving new things

massivebigpantsface · 19/07/2007 11:40

yes, if only for his poor future wife! good luck with the next 6 weeks, I'm sure it will be fun

Original poster

grouchyoscar · 19/07/2007 14:43

He dressed himself this afternoon! Rather than expecting me to do it I just left him to it. Got back and there he was in shorts and a t shirt, right way round and everything.

[hmmm]

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RedTartanLass · 19/07/2007 14:59

lovely thread..chuffed to bits for you grouchyoscar

weasleymum · 19/07/2007 22:48

Hey, a result! Well done, Master Grouchy!

frogs · 19/07/2007 22:50

Brilliant. Only another four years or so before you can get him to bring you a cup of tea in the morning. Now that is a parenting milestone.

lilolilmanchester · 19/07/2007 22:58

and the woman he marries will be eternally grateful to you!

Original poster

grouchyoscar · 20/07/2007 06:14

And considering my BIL who hit 50 this month still lives at home...I will be eternally grateful

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Original poster

grouchyoscar · 20/07/2007 15:27

Ah.....botheration...DH goes and dresses DS today...I was studiously not doing it.

OK DH, I know it's like pulling teeth but GET WITH THE PROGRAMME!

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Original poster

grouchyoscar · 22/07/2007 10:57

Baby boot camp seems to be working

He will dress himself, I have to give him the clothes but he puts them on

He will get his own toys from his room when he needs them

When I ask him to do something he says 'Of course I will' or 'Not a problem' and does it.

Lots of prasie, hugs and cuddles but HE CAN DO IT!!!!

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beansprout · 22/07/2007 11:01

Fab!

motherinferior · 22/07/2007 11:02

I do reckon that at around four they suddenly really get into this whole independence lark. Rather marvellous, isn't it.

DangerousBeans · 22/07/2007 11:02

Fantastic!

Original poster

grouchyoscar · 22/07/2007 11:42

It is amazing but I'm also annoying...He could do it himself all along but he chose to let me do it for him.

emoticon

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Original poster

grouchyoscar · 23/07/2007 12:39

It's only been a few days but, It's working. He was so much calmer and well behaved at the toddler group's trip to the park this morning.

I heap loads and loads of praise on him when he gets things right and he smiles and thinks it's great fun.

So thinking I was doing the right thing was holding him back, oh well,

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