Life with 19 month old is unbearable

[LooUpdate]

I have an 8 and 7 year old. They are angels. Relaxed, kind, friendly, gentle. Eldest is Autistic but very well behaved.

I also have a 19 month old (different father) and MY GOD he is hard work. I am a single mother and thought I was a pretty decent mother until my youngest turned into a toddler. My life is now a daily struggle and I am constantly on the verge of tears. Here's what he does:

1. Seldom sits still. Is constantly opening cupboards, trying to climb on things, dashing about, tripping.
2. Draws blood during breastfeeding.
3. Whinges/cries every other minute.
4. Throws EVERYTHING on the floor (cups, plates, cutlery).
5. Is rough with pets.
6. Is deviant. Seldom does as asked. Does exact opposite.
7. Hits people.
8. I'm sure there's loads more. I'm just too exhausted to think of them.

I never had this with my eldest two. I am hardly able to interact with them when toddler is around. Eldest two have recently lost their father to cancer. They were incredibly close to him. When it is just me and my eldest two I feel competent, relaxed and content. When the toddler is around everything changes. The stress, the noise, the guilt. It's destroying the family. My mum tries to help but she struggles too.

I am seriously considering handing the toddler to his father and saying "There, I failed. I'm done. He's yours. Do a better job". Once this is done, I would never get him back. His father is antagonistic to put it mildly, and he will make sure it goes through court.

I don't know what to do. Looking for empathy and/or suggestions. This situation is unsustainable.

It's a hard age I think. For some children more than others. Don't blame your parenting.

I would stop breastfeeding if he's drawing blood. He doesn't need to be breastfed at 19 months. Don't be a martyr.

Find some way to contain him. A playpen or similar. Or strap him in the buggy if that's the only way to keep him still. Or a highchair. In the same room as you so you can talk to him, entertain him, put the TV on is necessary. Only for short periods obviously, but you need time to sit down with a coffee and he needs to be safe.

If he likes opening things make him a treasure basket or bag that he can have when he is in the buggy/highchair/playpen to keep him happy. Maybe one of those sets of cardboard drawers with something different in each drawer?

Can he go to his Dad's more often? Or to nursery for a few hours a week?

You could take him to the HV for behaviour management advice but tbh it all sounds quite normal for his age. I think 18 month olds who do as they're told and don't whinge and throw things are in the minority tbh!

Scream into a pillow when necessary!

I really don’t have much advice but I really do feel for you. I’m really sorry to hear about your elder two children’s dad. That must be so hard for them. As for the little one, I am sure it’s just a passing phase. Maybe the terrible 2’s have hit
early?? I don’t really have much advice, sorry.

Have you considered nursery for him? Because you’re single mum you may receive financial help with this? The break will do you good and he may learn and copy from others.

It’s a shame about his father. Does he see him regularly to give you a break and so you can spend some time with just your older two?

Not much help but hugs 🤗

I have two children. Aged 8 and 3. My 8 year old has autism and was an incredibly easy baby and toddler up until about 2 and he’s been a nightmare ever since. DD was harder work as a baby and she can be a madam now but generally behaved but I constantly feel guilty that I’m not a good enough mum as they are complete opposites and but everything usually revolves around my eldest. It’s so hard 😭

It sounds like you have been through a traumatic time and having a normal, inquisitive toddler hasn't helped. You are perhaps blaming him for complicating things. It may seem so simple without the toddler, but you would still be a single mother with two bereaved children, who would probably then miss their sibling.
Can you stop breastfeeding? I would if it was causing bloodshed!
Sorry to hear it's hard.

If you don't want to stop bfing then at least get his latch checked. Unless he's doing a vampire impression and biting it's not on purpose.

How does he sleep? When he sleeps does he snore? Have you checked if he has apnea whilst he is sleeping?

Hi there mums I’m new to this site and I’m finding it hard with my 19 month old. He won’t say word he’ll just pull you around the house to what he wants them stand there and cry and whinge. Which is confusing and frustrating cz he use to say a few words but once started teething he just want on to whinging to everything. I’m worried bout his talking / speaking as everyone keeps telling me he should be saying a lot more words :( I know every child is different and I shouldn’t worry to much but he’s always in the go.
Which is another reason why I’m worried cz he doesn’t sleep he still wakes 2/3 time throughout the night and he won’t nap in the day. He wants our attention all the time, specially when I’m trying to do things around the house. He doesn’t watch telly or like us reading to him. He won’t sit still long enough to interact with him unless it’s something he wants

Any idea or advice is very welcome x

@MGlaze you might want to open a new topic for your query, you might get more replies. Waking up at night 2/3 times at 19M is very normal, lack of words is not very concerning at the moment (the typical 18M old has about 8 words) as speech delays are common, however if he used to have words and has now lost them then that should be looked at, as it can be concerning. When he pulls you around the house to what he wants (also referred to as 'hand leading' - google it), you say he cries and whines, does he not point to what he wants? or try to direct you attention to what exactly he wants? at 19M he should be using gestures to communicate, specially if he is speech delayed.