Caught my kids acting inappropriately!

[User020312]

I have a 7yo daughter and a 4yo son. I went up to their room to put their clean clothes away and my daughter ran across the room onto her bed and laid their. Bright red. I knew instantly she was doing something she wasn't supposed to. My son was on the floor on the quilt, with his pants down. Now, I ask them both what was they doing, and they replied "playing a game". I went down and spoke to my partner and called my son down first. He told us the same story at first. But once I reassured him that he wouldn't get into "trouble" he described to me what sounds like they were pretending to have sex.
My daughter is still crying at this point and I ask her to come down. She eventually comes down and again, says her brother is lying. But I eventually get it out of her and she tells us the same thing.

I am gobsmacked. I'm in tears, and have no idea what to do or say to them.
My partner hasn't taken it too well (understandably), and he decided to ground them, however, I'm not sure this is the way to go about it?

Thank you x

I'd start by talking to your dd about where she got the idea from. This is pretty critical in determining what you could do to prevent this in future. Then reiterate that she should never ask someone else to take their clothes off.

Your son needs to hear that he only takes his clothes off if he's alone in the loo/getting changed/bath time or a parent tells him to eg at the doctors. If he's not sure then it's ok to ask you and he won't be in trouble. Both need to know that neither of them should ever touch another person's areas that are normally covered by underwear and if they are asked for permission or someone touches them there anyway to tell a trusted adult like you.

Grounding is very unfair-particularly on the 4 year old. He's just done what an older sibling told him to do.

Did she explain why she thought she'd play this? Has she had sex education at school? Has she heard something in the playground?
Did either of them get hurt while playing?

I agree. Grounding is unfair. And I spoke to my OH about that.
I told them both exactly that. That they never do that and explained if anyone ever asks them to take their clothes off, or touches them there, to not do it and come and tell me or their dad immediately.
However, my daughter says she "hasn't seen it anywhere, and she just learned it" when I asked how she "learned" it, she says she "cant remember". We don't watch anything with sex in it when they're there etc. I just cant figure out where she would have heard/learned this from. She won't tell me or her dad x

Doctors and nurses was a favourite game as kids - with brothers and sisters and with friends.

Not saying it's right but it happens.

Kids find out what each others bits look like - and it feels nice, even to a 4 year old.

'pretending' is the key word - laying together and wiggling around a bit as anything else is impossible at that age.

Talk to them about it, explain it is inappropriate but don't punish either of them.

If someone does something to either of them later they will remember getting punished and not want to tell.

That they said they were pretending to have sex (not playing doctor/nurse, etc) is what's a bit more concerning.

Agree with PP though, don't punish them as you don't want them to think in the future it's something they can't talk to you about. Personally I think I'd focus on trying to find out where your DD learned about it/came up with it as a game

I've been trying to figure out where she learned it but no luck yet.

She did mention a while back, that some kids down the road showed her with dolls before. Maybe that's where she got it from. She no longer plays with them.

@AmandaNicole, they didn't say out loud that they were pretending to have sex, that's just what they described. When I ask what game it was, they first said "granny" then said they don't know. X

Honestly I'd be a little worried that someone has taught it to one of them. Maybe you could ring the nspcc for advice? A lot of kids are interested in each other because their different to each other but they were acting sex out and then tried to lie about it. At their age they shouldn't really know enough to be embarrassed.

Might also be worth a word with your DD's class teacher?