Tantrums from 7 year old

[GodolphianArabian]

DD is generally ok but when she doesn't get her way can be a horror. She has cried, jumped up and down stamping her feet because she was not allowed something. She's now doing the same over something else she's not allowed to do.

My older two we used 123magic and it worked well. Even now I can start counting with my 12 year old and any poor behaviour from them very quickly stops because if it doesn't their Xbox goes off.

DD doesn't seem to care about anything and just has a massive tantrum lasting ages.

Any suggestions?

Your DD might have a more rigid personality than her older sibs. Can you predict any of the flashpoints and try to tell her how things are going to be in advance, to avoid the frustration that fuels the tantrum at the time? And are you trying to use 123 to end the tantrum? That might not work. 123 basically works by (a) clear instructions (b) enough time to process the instructions (d) a clear framework so she knows where she stands and (c) a threat. The threat is the least important part so it's not surprising your DD doesn't respond to it. She wont care about the threat when she needs to relieve the frustration of not getting what she wants. In fact adding extra threats or punishments to an already frustrated child can even make the tantrums worse and last longer. The 123 processing part might not be enough to get her in control of her emotions, it is for many kids but not all. So she needs the long tantrum to relieve her feelings and calm herself down. Crying and jumping up and down aren't especially bad behaviour (just noisy and embarrassing) and you can probably still use 123 Magic to get her do things, but not to stop the tantrum. There is no need to give in to the tantrum when it happens, don't feed it with fuss, let it blow itself out. But you could try to avoid some of the situations that lead up to the tantrum. Is she a thinker and planner? Or very impulsive? If she tends to not tell you she wants something until she has already spent a long time building it up in her head then she is going to be super-frustrated when you say no. So you may have to be a bit agile about how you get her to change direction when she wants something. Good idea, yes you can have it later / let's do it this way instead / can work. And be very clear upfront ahead of time about what she can and can't have so she doesn't get wedded to crazy plans. "We are going to the park, we'll have ice cream, everyone can have one scoop" can save a fight over having to say "no" to two scoops.

(Ex-tantrum chucker and parent of now ex-tantrum chucker )