5 year old daughter still wetting herself several times a day

[ldavi]

Hi there,
I feel like I've been toilet training my 5 year old daughter for the last three years and nothing has made any difference. I would really appreciate any help! My son was toilet trained in a week at about age 2 and a half, no problems. My daughter wets herself three or four times a day, school, holidays, home, other people's houses, the car, it seems to make no difference. Her night time nappies are full. Occasionally there are dry days or drier periods, but I can't find any pattern to them.

I've tried setting timers, rewards, ignoring it completely, giving her lots to drink, letting her be wet, leaving her to be responsible to change her clothes and put them in the wash basket when they're wet. And I’ve tried it all over again in various forms several times!

We've been to the GP, I talk to school about it all the time and we're all consistent in our approach, but none of us has any clue why it's still going on or whether we are really helping at all or whether she’ll just grow out of it when she’s ready.

Sometimes she's distracted from being absorbed in something, but often it really feels as though she just doesn't feel the bladder connection and is surprised to find herself wet. Or she knows and doesn't care! Almost always if asked to go to the toilet she’ll say she doesn’t need it. She does take herself off to go, but usually when she’s already wet, sometimes just a bit, sometimes completely. Sometimes she seems quite self conscious about it, but often it's so matter of fact she just laughs. She just changes herself and carries on, or else stays wet and carries on!

I'm really at a loss to know what to do (if anything) and would appreciate any help! If it's just a question of waiting and letting her get on with it, I can put up with the washing (just about!), but if I'm missing something then it would be great to know. My attitude now, which is also followed at school, is essentially to make no fuss about it at all,. If she's wet she changes herself, no drama. But it's been going on soooo long I'm really beginning to wonder! And it is really hard not to get frustrated often! Many many thanks for any help.

You could try the ERIC website and helpline - they have been very useful for us. In orr case the issues are due to constipation/impaction but there are other possibilities including over reactive bladder.

Thank you so much. I can't believe I haven't come across ERIC before. Very helpful!

My DS was like this at this age. He was pooing pants too for a while. He did eventually grow out of it but it was a very slow process. Carry on with the no fuss just wash approach. It took until he was 8 to be largely dry at night. But he still has occasional relapses even now at 10. Very occasionally he wets/soils in day but that’s say twice in last 12 months. It was very stressful in the early days. So much washing. Feeling like a failure. Doctor was no help. Once I accepted that this is just a part of who he is and that what was required was endless patience from me it was easier to deal with.

Thank you @pigsinduvets, that's very reassuring. My gut feeling is to try not to make any big deal out of it, but I have that nagging feeling as time goes on that there must be something I should be doing! Appreciate you sharing your experiences.