my younger son lets my older son do the talking

[tigermoth]

Both my sons (10 and 5) are pretty outgoing. They talk lots to each other. My oldest son has always been very articulate, chatters away (when he's in the mood) and is very fond of adult attention. I find myself having long conversations with him while my youngest son says nothing. He sits and dreams, for instance, if we are in the car, or if we are walking along a street he'll silently hold my hand or run ahead. Also, my youngest tends to answer my questions with a brief yes or no - he will not be drawn out. The main time he talks to me will be to ask for something practical - a drink etc.
or tell me his oldest brother is teasing him or visa versa. They do a lot of play fighting together. They both enjoy it, although I do my best to control it. I am wondering if the playfighting is sort of inhibiting ds2's conversational skills?

I don't have any problem talking to my youngest son when we have our night time chats before bed, or if we are alone together. He has enough to say when he wants to, but I have to coax it out of him. But I have noticed increasingly that my youngest will not compete against my oldest if we are all together. He just lets ds1 hold the stage. Ds2 is fine when talking to other children - chatty and friendly - it's just that he clams up a bit when ds1 and I are together with him.

As he is still at an age where he is picking up language skills, I feel worried he is not geting enough conversation time with me - or enought attention. I sense he is holding back. He can be such a sweetie and I want to hear what he has to say. But I can't keep ds 1 and 2 separate all the time and ds1 is not good at shutting up and letting ds2 hold forth.

Any thoughts on this? do you think this will sort itself out in time? not having brothers or sisters myself, I am at a loss.

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tigermoth my youngest sister was like this,my dad used to dispair because you could never get anything out of her,everything was yes or not, is just their personality although she found it hard to make friends as a child,she's ok now as an adult and has lots of friends but she just never talks for the sake of talking,only when she has to me on the other hand can't shut up

Tigermoth, no experience but having met your ds2, I agree with you he is an absolute sweetie, and I reckon this will sort itself out. I have a sister who's 4 years younger than me and she's perfectly articulate now but hardly got a word in edgeways when we were children as me and the sister in the middle (so 2 years younger than me and 2 years older than youngest) talked a LOT. Seems to me you've just got 2 very different boys.

so it's a unanimous vote for personality? well that's one problem less in my life.

I wonder what will happen when ds1 reaches the sullen, silent teenage years? I cannot imagine the cessation of ds1's near constant chatter - and will ds2's voice fill the void?

Agree it's probably a combination of innate personality type and environment. If he was a really forceful extrovert, he'd be shouting across his big brother to get heard (and you'd be deafened!). Then again, some extroverts are only extrovert in the right environment, IYSWIM. And if he's introverted that's not a bad thing ? just means he waits until he's got something to say rather than thinking out loud or giving a running commentary on his life. And listening is a really positive skill to develop ? I'm sure that will be a huge benefit to his language skills.
P.S. My mother was an only child and frequently bemused by me and my sister. Couldn't get her head round some of the sibling stuff at all but said it was very entertaining to watch!

Tigermoth, at the sullen teenager stage if you need something to fill the void, you can swap your ds2 for mine ... who never shuts up

ds2(twins2also) is very much like this. he daydreams constantly. we think its fine. we all call it jacobland - he says its very nice in there. school and healthcare professsionals always had their 2penneth about this - becaue they were twins. however - this is the way he is. when he wants he has verbal diahorreah - usually when we are on our own and he doesnt have to compete or attention. he also has the same inteest in computer games as DH and therefore they spend lots of time together playing computer games etc. so he gets more than enough parental time. its just his personality. my daughter is gobby and my eldest son is also fairly quiet at home ( cept for the rubbish music) its the way they are.

I have the same problem with my 2 dds (9 & 7), but find dd2 will now tell dd1 to shut up. Biggest problem is when asking dd2 a question, dd1 will answer. the phrase "is your name R..?" is freq heard. I think it's a bit of a leftover from when they were smaller & dd2 freq used dd1s language by pointing & getting dd1 to say stuff for her. Doesn't cause dd2 any problems socialising, but I do find I have to make the effort to get dd1 to shut up so dd2 can be heard (dd1 talks from non-stop from when she gets up to when she goes to bed, also talks in her sleep & even carries out long conversations with anything -toys or toilet roll holders, whilst on the loo!)

custardo, I've a feeling my youngest ds will be big on computer games too. As you say, the verbal diahorreah starts when he does not have to compete for attention.

edam, you are right about environment. I feel that ds2 would seem a different child if he was an only child. He acts so differently when his brother is not around.

roison, if ds1 ever reaches a silent, teenage phase I promise you will be the first to know!

berries, I am quite looking forward to seeing how ds2 will verbally put ds1 in his place, just a tiny bit... I reckon that the balance will shift somewhat when ds2 is a cheeky 8 and ds1 is a teenage 13.

thanks for all the stories and reassurance.