Sibling Rivalry, fibbing and other misdemeanours... aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh & rant

[MrsBigD]

I'm geting to the end of my tether..

DD is 5.5 and DS 2.10 and putting it midly they're driving me insane atm

Typical examples:

this morning I was in the kitchen and dd screams 'ds has tipped out my pens onto the floor' so I go into the living room to find ds happily sitting on sofa clutching his breakfast and stuffing his face. The way he was sitting it was highly unlikely that he actually had done the deed. Though dd insisted he did. As I wasn't in the room I couldn't 'judge' whether she was fibbing or not just told her it's highly unlikely that he did it and that maybe she knocked them over herself accidentially. Cue... I'm not LYING accompanied by big sobbs.

Me out of room again and dd coming to me crying because ds had taken something off her. This time he actually did. Which probably had involved the usual pushing and shoving nd pinching. If I catch them at it I try to calmly explain that it's not a nice thing to do and can hurt but sometimes just loose it and send dd to her room and ds onto the time-out step.

Then I'm upstairs to sort something out and hear dd coming up and go into the spare room. Next thing ds is crying from downstairs 'dd took dog away' (his favourite wodden dog on wheels). As it turns out the dog is upstairs but dd swears she didn't take it off him... yet again I didn't witness so just took dog and gave it back to ds.

In addition ds is totally defiant, ie. when I call im back when walking off when out and about he stops, looks, grins and bolts the other way. For that I've now ordered reward arm bands so if and when he actually listens he'll get a sticker on the go.

However no idea how to deal with the screaming, shoving, fibbing etc. as I start to sound like a broken record!

Thanks for reading this far

Any advice highly welcome as I'm close to sell them to the lowest bidder!

MrsB - Ive got exactly the same situation and same ages by the looks of things -at the moment my DD is pretneding to cut ds hair with pretend scissors and he is screaming and im saying "you need to stop when he is crying" i posted the other day about it but didnt get much response unfortunately - the only thing that worked was trying to spend more one on one time with dd but thats not easy to do and its nearly summer holidays oh and getting down and playing with them but you need to get on with things sometimes and i need to be able to leave them for 5 minutes sometimes! my thread here....
www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=8&threadid=352307#7175027

Thanks cleaning lady
1-on-1 time is hard to do used to do it when ds was napping but he's not anymore ... try and sit with her and read when ds is distracted by his trains. But as you said things need doing . She's got swimming lessons Saturday's now so dh looks after ds and I'm with her. Sort of 'quality' time LOL

Come September I'll be spending extra time with her as I'll be able to leave ds in nursery a bit longer for 2 days a week

Sort of dreading summmer hols though I'm lucky first my mum is coming to visit for a week and then my mother in law for 4 weeks so kids should get lots of special time. Saying that as I'm working dd will be 'carted' off to childminder which I'm selling to her as 'meeting new friends and having lots of fun' and ds will keep going to nursery which he loves.

It takes two to tango! I would expect that frequently BOTH are guilty. If they squabble over something, then remove it - so if pens get tipped on floor, remove the pens. If they argue over favourite dog, favourite dog stays in ds bedroom.

Eventually - it will take time - they will learn that if they argue between themselves, then the chance is very high that BOTH of them will lose whatever it is they are arguing about. The Game Ends.

Extend the quality time on a Saturday - dh is with ds while dd is swimming, so by doing something after swimming with dd, both dd and ds get quality time with a parent.

Perhaps take dd for lunch and a look around the shops. Picnic in the park. Whatever takes your fancy.

thanks nannynick I have already started the 'don't know who started it so x is gone' which results in 2 stroppy screaming kids and me hiding in the garage LOL

Shall try for added quality time just wish the noise levels weren't so high

I also have had some limited success with "tell ds2 that, not me" - i.e. encouraging to sort it out between themselves (obviously if "sorting it out" becomes too heated or violent then I step in!)

Basically I let them know that I want to know straight away if someone is doing something dangerous, but otherwise they need to deal with their sibling IN WORDS. I can't always be there to see who is right or wrong and even then it's hard to make a proper judgement.

When I get this, both girls get into trouble, I have informed them both I do not care who did what (so long as blood is not present) everyone is in trouble, for annoying me....I'm prolly a dreadful parent, and my children will be scarred for life, but hey it keeps the noise down

Thanks RubeusDuck... tried that, more for dd as she's more articulate but problem is e.g. if she tells ds 'stop hitting/pushing me because you're hurting me', ds just delights in hitting her even harder with a huge grin on his face. Which then of course gets him time-out stair sitting with big 'i'm so misunderstood' sobs on his behalf. At which point I have to walk away not to laugh . So war hasn't been very effective though

fuzzy I think 'punishing' both is a good way. My friend who's dd's are a bit older had great success with that. On one occassion she got so ticked off with them having cat fights and slamming doors that she unhinged all the doors in the flat! Quite a feat for somebody so not physically minded as my friend

I think though ds is still a bit young not to say too pig headed for it to be effective quite yet. And yes I probably underestimate him.

got my reward armbands through today. Shall see whether that works. DS already helped tidy up the pens he spillt as he wanted the train sticker added to his band

DD was being a right little madam this morning so shall start her on the bands tonight as well!

Really like the idea of the bands because they are available on the go so no need to wait with reward chart till we get home and also they double as an id tag if they wander off too far with their name and my mob no in there BIG BROTHER IS WATCHING!