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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

DS devastated if told off - is this normal?

25 replies

norwood · 13/07/2007 11:04

My 3 year old can be a bit naughty at times -nothing malicious, just a bit mischievous i suppose. However if he is told off this seems to crush him and he says that we don't like him (it can also reduce him to tears which is sometimes a dispropportionate reaction). He then wants to be alone and will take himself off to another room and closes the door.it takes quite a while for him to then thaw out. Is this normal-ish behaviour or is this something to be worried about?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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AngharadGoldenhand · 13/07/2007 11:19

Yes, is normal for some more sensitive kids.

Can you tell him off more gently or lead him into a calmer activity rather than telling him off?

Some people use the technique of saying Mummy's patience is as big as a grapefruit, orange, grape etc to let him know if you're getting towards the end of your tether.
You could use pictures to show him - maybe on the wall?

Wisteria · 13/07/2007 11:22

Bless him, my youngest dd was similar and just didn't need telling off much, 'Mummy is going to be cross if you don't stop' was enough for her but eldest dd, totally different ballgame! Water off a duck's back springs to mind....

cornsilk · 13/07/2007 11:23

My ds was just like this! He does not come across as sensitive to others as he's such a big boy and quite loud as well. He has got a little better now, probably 'cos he's always in trouble at school (for being loud)and he's got used to it.

ahundredtimes · 13/07/2007 11:25

Yes agree re the sensitive child's reaction.

My dd does this - rather dramtically throws herself on her bed and HOWLS, and ds1 used to. Now though both ds's just eyeball and me and say 'So?' Hmm.

Perhaps less, 'that was wrong' (so they don't feel they've failed) and more 'ds when you shut the cat in the door it hurts her, so can we not do that again please' ?

crookshanks · 13/07/2007 11:26

I hope its normal-ish - my ds who is 4 does this. He is a very sensitive child, hates noises and too much stimulation.

I find the best way to handle him is to moderate my response and try to be as calm as possible. I have also had to learn how to not get visibly angry or shout as this really upset him.

hth

Wisteria · 13/07/2007 11:26

ROFL at cat shut in door, sorry

ahundredtimes · 13/07/2007 11:28

Piffle · 13/07/2007 11:28

dd is the same and is nearly 5
very sensitive
am hoping shcool will be ok
I do talk to her about he over reaction but it makes it worse
So now I say to her, have some quiet time as you are over reacting
this means she gets over it much quicker

cornsilk · 13/07/2007 11:32

There are benefits to this of course. Take bathtime.I could scream at ds1 till I was blue in the face to get in the bath and he wouldn't even raise an eyebrow to look up from what he was doing. With ds 2 I just say 5,4...he's upstairs and in the bathroom before 1. No tantrums from child or mother.

foxinsocks · 13/07/2007 11:34

yes, ds is like this.

Upside is that he is an angel at school because he doesn't want to get told off but if things don't go his way, he can still get spectacularly upset (more angry really).

It's hard to handle it at age 3 I think. As they get older, and learn to enunciate (sp?) their feelings better, it's much easier to talk about it.

Ds still lashes out a bit but a combination of the school teaching him to say 'you're hurting my feelings' (!) and cod's angry hands, have meant he's come on a long way!

Original poster

norwood · 13/07/2007 12:10

His sister who is 6 is completely different. If told off she will take it on board and it will not upset her at all - it doesn't seem to affect her self esteem. i think ds is a sensitive boy deep down (although he doesn't seem it because he is big and strong for his age, is loud at times and shy at times and incredibly popular with the other children in class and their parents)but he doesn't always know when he has over stepped the mark. His teacher mentioned to me this morning that he says the word 'kill' at school (and she recognises that this is in the context of the Lion King which he is obsessed with and i probably shouldn't have let him watch i guess) and that this is inappropriate which i agree with as the other kids might copy him. when she tells him not to say it he withdraws and sulks. i think he can't take criticism and the fact that he doesn't speak that well might make things harder for him as well.

OP posts:

FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 12:12

Message withdrawn

FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 12:13

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Hathor · 13/07/2007 12:14

LOL cod.

foxinsocks · 13/07/2007 12:15

oh no not a red card

god, I feel all weepy for him thinking about it

tis v hard at the end of term. Besides, Lewis probably deserved a kick .

FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 12:16

Message withdrawn

foxinsocks · 13/07/2007 12:18

oh dear. Bring on the school holidays.

How long do the cards last?

FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 12:19

Message withdrawn

foxinsocks · 13/07/2007 12:24

I wouldn't want to have seen an angry arse either tbh

oh that's a bit unfair - they must be very strict at your school. My (laid back) child lives for golden time.

foxinsocks · 13/07/2007 12:28

I'm telling you cod, you should write an angry hands book (or tell ahundred about it and she can do it). Or how to deal with competitive boys. It'd sell. Honest.

Othersideofthechannel · 13/07/2007 12:32

Norwood, DS does this too. Sometimes he goes off to his room before I've even had a chance to say anything, like when he loses control and pushes his little sis.

FluffyMummy123 · 13/07/2007 12:50

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kamikayzed · 13/07/2007 12:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

foxinsocks · 13/07/2007 14:38

oh sorry cod (doh!)

am getting things all muddled on here today!

Acinonyx · 13/07/2007 16:35

I'm finding this with dd - interesting about the sensitive child stuff. I have hardly ever raised my voice to her ever (she's 2) and if I get a bit cross she immediately gets upset and needs cuddles. I got cross with the dvd player the other day and then had to spend a few minutes reassuring her that it wasn't about her. I do worry that she is going to be so easily upset in future - I hope she toughens up a bit. Jill

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