Parents evening - something amiss

[Lushmetender]

Our dd6 has been referred to an occupational therapist as school have said her behaviour is not typical of other children the same age. We were a bit annoyed they took so long to tell us she was struggling (eg they had mentioned spitting at parents evening in November and nothing else). Glad they are referring her but at a talk with the assistant head she mentioned she wanted the parents evening to be about her academic achievement rather than her behaviour. They did ask pointed questions about her teacher and I said she was probably not the ideal personality to teach my DD as she’s q shouty and my dd is sensitive to noise. Anyway we wanted to talk to her teacher as she hadn’t mentioned any of the issues to us in the past months but also wanted to discuss coping strategies of what would help the teacher to get through to her as she is not any trouble at home. Anyway for our 10 min appt the teacher was over running. The head teacher who is usually v good after about 5 mins told us our time was up not just once but twice which she’s never done before and said we could come another time . The teacher filled the time with complete drivel. We finally tried to steer the conversation to coping strategies and we mentioned her referral. The teacher started saying that “wasn’t her decision” and then we were chased out practically saying our time was up. Something just didn’t seem right. Do you think they are trying to cover themselves or something? That has never happened before.

This does sound a bit odd. I'd suggest sending an email copying in the class teacher, head and Senco sayinging that you didn't feel that parent's evening was adequate and asking to arrange a meeting as soon as possible. Good luck!

"her behaviour is not typical of other children the same age" - did they mention what this behavior was?

Dd behaviour - from school:

In November they mentioned the spitting. When I asked dd why she said it’s because of horrible tastes etc, lack of organisation and a bit behind in class. They reversed that and she’s back in the main class as they think she was bored and she’s come on since then.

She is reluctant to go into the playground to play at lunchtime (they’ve said this has improved in last 2 weeks). We only found this out in school report and been going on some months.

Walking out of the class to go to support class but being found hiding.

Being obsessed by a toilet so much so that when someone else went in, instead of waiting she bangs on the door and tries to get in. She tried to grab a girls legs and pull her out. Getting upset over this and finding it hard to stop crying so they had to put her in the office to calm down.

When going for extra classes she was trying to hide under desks.

She is extremely sensitive to noise and smells. She likened a PE whistle to someone screaming. She also said that she’s been getting more headaches when too noisy. She is sensitive to low blood sugar as well.

When she’s home and you speak to her she seems fine and you wouldn’t really know there’s anything amiss. She also isn’t coping too well at clubs. I found a girl at the gym dragging her into the gym hall saying ‘leave me alone’. When I asked her why she says it’s because she can’t do it but when I stayed and watched she calmed down. For us we didn’t see anything wrong but obviously there is. See what the OT goes.

I just didn’t like how the staff evening went as they seemed to be keeping our time to a minimum and trying to fill the time whereas they usually ask first off if there is anything we want to discuss.

Yr2?

My dc is similar spends ages in loo.
It's like daydreaming. Hidesunder tables. Was spitting in ither yeara.
Are they thinking asd?

They’ve not made any
Suggestions thus far.

I agree that some of those behaviors are concerning and should be investigated further - it is good that she will be seeing an OT. She is showing signs of over sensitivities to certain stimuli, unnatural obsessive behavior and it could be possible that she is missing important social cues and hence struggling to appropriately interact with her peers which could be causing some of the tensions you describe. The OT should pick up on these behaviors and as a first step come up with a plan to try to learn both coping strategies and the correct way of doing things.

Sensory in terms of OT on the NHS can be a bit hit and miss mind - ours was very good (our OT experience was very good in general... until they took 8 bloody months and weekly phonecalls to actually send a report). Worth looking at books like the Out of Sync child for your own background knowledge of getting some clues as to what's going on.

School and parents evenings - having seen it from both sides as a parent who has a child with SN, and as a teacher prior to that - they can be fairly ruthless in trying to make sure they run to time - otherwise parents who've got more than one child are late to see the other teacher and the list gets later and later and later and you're left there 2 hours after it's due to finish with a line of pissed off parents and a caretaker glaring at his watch trying to shoo you out of the door.

In the light of the concerns I'd be asking for a separate meeting with the teacher, SENCO and possibly head depending on how involved with the actual children the head is to discuss concerns and coping strategies while you wait for appointments to come through - if it helps I think we waited about 3 months for OT last year in our area (nothing like the year we waited for speech and language!).

She seems to have a need for small enclosed spaces though - would fit the under tables, toilet cubicles, avoiding the playground all in. Does she like things like games where she's being gently squashed as well? Is she like DD2 who is like a cat who will physically glue herself to your side with no concept of personal space whatsoever? DD2 has dyspraxia (there's no suspicion of ASD) and also is undersensitive to touch so the combination of dodgy spatial awareness and seeking tactile stimulation makes her behave in those kind of ways - she loves things like heavy blankets and being squashed under piles of cushions and the like.

I'm a teacher and I wouldn't read into then trying to keep to your time slot - parents' evenings are seriously tricky if even just one appointment overruns!

However you really do need a proper sit down meeting with all relevant parties (teacher, senco etc) and I'm surprised that wasn't offered to you immediately.

Sounds like you need to take the head up on her offer to go in for a longer meeting.

There's certainly indications of autism here from your description, an OT won't assess this, if suggest you ask them why they've referred to OT and if this needs to go to a paediatrician too.