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Behaviour/development

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Concerns about behaviour, slapping, kicking, biting, head banging.

7 replies

NaiceHamPlease · 02/04/2019 13:39

My DS is 16 months and his behaviour is getting increasingly extreme and I'm at a loss how to help him.

He's always been a very high energy baby, crawling, climbing and walking early, he loves to be busy. Up until 12 months he sleep was very interrupted, he didn't sleep longer than 2hrs at a time, awake for long periods in the night, short naps in the day.

Since 12 months he's been fab, he'll self settle at night and often sleeps 9 or 10 hrs in one go in his cot in his own room. If he wakes in the night before 3am I can usually resettle him but often, if he's had a big block of sleep and it's nearer 4am he's up for the day, although very unhappy about it and will scream despite my best efforts to comfort him. On these days he has two naps totaling 3ish hours. On later wakes he'll have one nap for 2ish hours. I think he's getting enough sleep.

He's eating really well and still has three of four breast feeds a day. We did have issues with CMPA, mainly horrible nappies, but he's been weaned gradually back on to dairy since 12 months and appears fine now.

His behaviour during the day is just getting so hard to handle and I don't know what to do. He slaps a lot, me, the cat, other adults and most upsettingly other kids and groups. I watch him like a hawk and am always next to him while he toddles about to try and intervine immediately before he makes contact but I'm not always quick enough. I tell him firmly 'no' with a serious face and say 'gentle hands' and show him how to touch gently and stroke. This was having some success and he'd give whom every he'd hit a gentle touch and sometimes a cuddle but not anymore. He's also pulled hair badly a couple of times. It's making me increasingly nervous at the groups we go to, not to mention upset.

At home with me he'll slap me in the face when feeding, if I pick him up, while getting him dressed and so on. He also bites, scratches, kicks and pulls my hair. It really hurts and I'm finding it so hard to keep calm. He's not talking yet and I sense a lot of times it's due to frustration on his part, it can escalate to him hitting himself in the head to the point of crying (I try and stop him doing this). I always explain what we are going to do and try to let him sit, lie down, take his shoes off or whatever before I try to help him. He does understand simple requests which does help sometimes.

Does anyone have any advice what else I can do? His behaviour seems very extreme compared to his peers. He can be incredibly loving and cuddly at times but seems so manic and out of control for large parts of the day. It's incredibly hard for me so must be really horrible for him.

Sorry that was such an essay...... Sad

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
user714205 · 03/04/2019 21:19

Sorry I can't help but watching as I have a similar situation!!

NaiceHamPlease · 04/04/2019 19:28

Looks like it's just me and thee OP......

OP posts:
farmmumtomillie · 07/04/2019 18:53

I don't have much advice but i feel your pain. Our DD of nearly 16 months is the same. She is apparently just like my brother was at this age and he is ADHD and undiagnosed Autistic 😓 it's scary but we have thought ADHD since she was about 8 months old

AladdinMum · 08/04/2019 12:20

It could be frustration on his part if he is unable to communicate his needs. How is his gesturing to share interests and request things? for example, if he sees something which he finds interesting (at a distance, like a plane or balloon in the sky) is he able to share that with you? or if he wants something which out of reach is he able to effectively ask you for help to reach it? (as I assume he will only have a few words in his vocabulary at 16M)

NaiceHamPlease · 08/04/2019 13:41

Hi AlladinMum, I think you may be right with the frustration aspect, I'm sure a lot of his outbursts or lashing out at home is this. He's not talking as such (mama, dada, baba currently) but will point and shout 'there' very animatedly if he wants to show me something, usually dogs, birds, planes and so on. If he wants something he will point and screech but it's not always easy to know what he's after so I can see how he must find that difficult.

The patting/hitting other kids or adults happens in busy group situations when the kids get close to him. He never looks cross, upset or scared when he hits out and he's not trying to move away or come back to me so I don't think he's overwhelmed at all. He's usually sociable and happy out and about. It's almost like he's trying to interact but not goigm about it the right way. I try to model positive interactions for him and he will 'shake hands', hug and cuddle certain people.

farmmumtomillie sorry to hear you have concerns about ADHD for your daughter. Have you spoken to anyone? I'm not sure if I should raise this with the HV or GP. I'd like to think it's just a phase and will pass as DS becomes more verbal.

OP posts:
farmmumtomillie · 08/04/2019 15:42

For my LG she hits out for various reasons
Frustrating
Fun
Anger
Tired
Pain
So it's very hard! She has a whole long list of words and fraises and communicates well and understands a lot of what we ask and tell her. She's extremely bright (able to do her shape sorter without help at 8 months)
My mum's a health visitor and a peads nurse and unfortunately there's not much that can be done at this age 😓

Jobbieseverywhere · 09/04/2019 11:34

My DS was very similar to yours from what you've written, although he is now 2.3 and we're slowly starting to come through the other side of it.

I 100% think that his behaviour was down to frustration. Like your son, I think mine is relatively bright, and he just couldn't cope with being unable to express himself.

Each time his language improved, the hitting & screaming improved.

Although we still get a lot of it, it's definitely better and we're trying to teach him how to calm down & we always have a chat & a cuddle afterwards & explain why he can't hit.

It sounds like you're doing everything you can so I would just be consistent and he will get the message eventually.

Although there's been many, many days when I don't feel like he's ever getting better. However it does helps when a bigger kid pushes back Blush

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