Three year old violent behavior

[sekk]

I'm really looking to understand if my three (3.5) year old daughter's behavior is within the realm of normal or acceptable.

When she was two, our second daughter was born. The concern is with the older's interaction. Sometimes, although not incredibly often, she'll say something violent like she's going to eat her sister or "bonk" her sister. She even once said she was going to push her down the stairs, although I'm not sure she really comprehends the seriousness of that.

There hasn't been physical violence except for a light push-over or something, but when she hugs her it's often very tight and obviously not comfortable for the younger one. She'll grind her teeth while doing it, but then she also grinds her teeth when doing other things at times.

The real concern came today when she woke up from nap and we found the picture of her sister on her bedside table removed from its frame and crumpled up.

I'm wondering if this behavior is in the realm of normality or if it's a sign of more serious aggression. What are your thoughts?

When my dd was that age, I had to watch her very closely to make sure she didn't hurt her little brother, I really do believe she would have.

She wasn't abnormal, she wasn't mentally ill, she has grown up a lovely caring young woman on excellent terms with her brother: she was just at that time a small person experiencing very big feelings.

I would take the photo as an opportunity to ask if she was feeling cross about her sister. Allow her to express her feelings, agree with her that sometimes having a little one around can be annoying, reassure her that she is special to you and try to carve out a little special big girl time that is about her and not about the lo. And keep an eye.

It is also possible that the crumpling of the photo was coincidental and she was angry in general. My dd at a slightly older age ruined a favourite poster and even tore up her own books to blame it on little brother. So don't assume there is something big there, but allow for it.