Keep having to leave baby groups PLEASE HELP

[Underworld345]

My nearly 2 year old boy is starting to be rough with other kids. Pushing, pulling hair and generally rough with younger babies.

Sometimes I think he is just trying to play and not being malicious (my DH has always done play fighting with him so maybe thinks it’s ok).

But I can see other parents getting annoyed and I’m so self conscious of being judged. I try and tell him off and say no but feel like everyone is watching me and in the end I just leave.

So not sure if I’m actually getting it across to him that’s it’s naughty enough as I’m not shouting in a room full of mums, just a stern no. But he doesn’t listen and carries on.

Please can anyone share experience of how they disciplined/showed their little one it was naughty in public.

I’m finding it quite isolating and I’m now dreading taking him to groups and leaving early.

Please tell me his behaviour is normal and can be stopped. I feel like he’s the only naughty one there and other mums are judging me.

It’s a horrible feeling thinking that no other mum wants their babies next to yours.

Do you immediately remove him from the other child? I mean...as soon as he hits or pushes, are you at his side and pulling him away? If not, you need to be.

How's his language development? This sort of behaviour often comes from frustration...though I'd also be putting a BIG stop to his Dad "play fighting" with him. You can't play fight with a practical baby!

Yes I am right there next to him pulling him away if needs be but I’m on edge all the time.

His language is good from what i can tell for his age. He definitely understands short simple instructions.

It's definitely not abnormal OP. At 2 he's not going to have good impulse control. Has he any siblings?

I always say at this age people don't judge children they judge parenting. So as long a as you consistently remove him and tell him no. And mean it.
None of his 'oh now horatio, please don't do that, it's not kind' in a wishy washy voice. Pick him up, move him to a quiet spot and firmly with a cross face tell him no. Over half of what they understand at that age is tone and expression, not actual words.

So if this sounds a bit direst, I have spent a lot of time in baby groups, run a few myself and this is my biggest takeaway. So long as you are trying to discipline, and mean it, you have nothing to worry about. Only leave of it suits you, don't worry about the other parents. If you are attending to him and responding to incidents then you have no need to be ashamed and leave.

Thank you all. Good advice.

He'll learn from how others interact with him and each other, so yes stop the play fighting. When you play, really reinforce the positive behaviours, with cuddles, thumbs up, enthusiasm etc.. you really need dad to do this too. Don't focus too much on the bad maybe a cue when he's too rough to be gentle, then help him to rejoin the play. Take him away won't help him to learn how to interact appropriately.

My son used to have issues at toddler group so I ended up not going anymore but that was worse as he went into pre-school not really knowing how to interact with children. Fortunately he had no lasting issues.

Obviously your son needs to be taught right from wrong but I wouldn’t beat yourself up. It is common for children to go through little phases like this and I can assure you that you’re not alone on this. But I totally understand how you feel.

At 2, he is still got a lot of learning to do on how to play with children. My son went through a stage of running up to kids and pulling them backwards. It wasn’t a malicious act but he wanted their attention but it was embarrassing.

It may seem like all the parents are judging you, maybe some stuck up ones do but most probably are not.

At least you are trying to reach him right from wrong, I’ve been to toddler groups, soft play etc where the parents do not watch their children at all and their kids are getting up to all sorts and the parents are oblivious to it - or ignoring it.

Recently I was at soft play with DD, a friend and her DS, her little boy is no angel himself but she always tells him off when needed. Another little boy came up and bit him. Kids will be kids of course but the mother seen it happen and just turned a blind eye, didn’t react or tell the boy off or do anything. My friend ended up saying you just seen your child bite my boy and ignored it and she denied it. If she had told her son off she wouldn’t of said anything.

Just keep giving your son a stern no, he will learn in his own time.

Have you considered pre-school yet?

Thanks JK2012. You’re probably right but it’s easy to feel judged.

He does go to nursery 2 full days a week. They haven’t raised anything with me so he can’t be that badly behaved at nursery. Maybe when I’m there, he feels more confident and gets a bit more excited.

He does have a fascination with babies at the moment. I’m just going to keep talking to him about it.

I might bring it up wth his nursery and see the same behaviour with him.