Violent toddler at bed time HELP!!!

[LucyDeadman]

I'm reaching the end of my tether!!! My son has always been reasonable about going to bed, sometimes showing a little resistance but mainly I can handle it. I have a bed time routine, I warn him of bed time, I get him to brush his teeth, pyjamas, then in bed with milk, read a story, kiss and off he goes to sleep.
The last few nights he's got worse and worse, really kicking me when I put his pyjamas on and screaming at me. Last night he took his bed pants off and threw them at me and continued to scream. I lost my temper and shouted, carried him upstairs whilst he screamed and got so worked up. I couldn't handle it so left him for a few minutes before returning with milk and read him a story and he went to sleep.
Tonight it was so much worse, he kicked and kicked, I remained calm until he kicked me in the face. I lost my temper again, and did the exact same thing. When I returned I hugged him, he was so worked up and I was too! We hugged and cried, and I tried to explain it's not nice to kick me in the face. He calmed down, I brought him milk but I couldn't read a story, I needed to get away.
I feel like the worst mother for losing my temper, I have no idea how to deal with this. I dread bed time, I try so hard to remain calm and strong but I feel so broken and stressed. I have no one to help me, I'm a single mum, no one seems to be able to offer advice. His Dad can only take him one or two nights a week, of course he's a little angel for him. And it's not like I'm not nice and trying to make his life nice and fun, we had a lovely day going to the park and we made cakes. But I don't think I can handle him much longer. Has anyone been through anything similar?

You sound like a lovely mum. Yes you got cross but you gave him a hug and he went to sleep happy. Do you think he’s overtired? What’s changed in the last few nights? My children are much worse behaved if they are really tired.
Could you change bedtime slightly. All mine started resisting around the age of 2 so I made bedtime nicer by putting on story cds after their story them they would fall asleep listening to them. Also, mine started having nightmares around the age of 2- could he be scared?

Also bedtime is the worst part of the day. You’ve been with your children all day and just need a break. It’s hard to be patient. Maybe lie with him and read a book if he’s scared- accept that bedtime might not be quick but make in nicer for yourself.

First of all, toddler tantrums are normal. Not all toddlers have them but many do.

Secondly, you don't have to put up with being kicked in the face and you shouldn't. Just gently hold one foot with each hand and stop him from doing it. The calmer you can be the better. As long as you stay calm you won't hurt him doing it. Much better to step in and take control than wait until you snap. He is only little and can't control himself; a big kindly person who can will really help him.

Delia1's suggestions are all brilliant. Look at ways of avoiding tantrums if you can- everything she suggests- but it may also help to accept that sometimes tantrums will happen and it's not a sign of failure on your part.

Sometimes walking away is actually helpful in allowing them to calm down: you will probably find what is most effective for your toddler.

I have lived, both as a sibling and a parent, with massive tantrums that went on well beyond the toddler stage: at the end of the day everybody was friends and nobody grew up into a monster.

You'll be fine. That hug at the end says it.