Can't leave eight month dd due to crying for any period of time

[KerryT]

Help, my dd cries from the moment I leave the house to the time when I get back. I don't even say goodbye to her but she still senses that I have gone. She cries so much and gets herself in such a state it is quite distressing leaving her for any period of time, she even gets upset if I am only gone for 10 mins. I really don't know what to do as I can't relax as I know she gets so upset. The strange thing is when we are out at baby signing classes she crawls off and is quite happy to play with other babies without even looking at me. Has anyone else encountered a similar problem as I would be interested if there is anything I could do in stopping her getting so upset.

Could it be partly because you don't say goodbye to her? Perhaps if she gets a goodbye so she knows you're going it may help a bit? I'm sure it's just a phase though.

Have you tried practising saying goodbye, I'll be back in a few minutes... while in the house - for example, say goodbye, tell her you will be back..and go to the kitchen...then come back after a few minutes...say hello, make a big fuss of her etc...then do it again for a little bit longer next time. Thing is, at this age, they are learning that they are not a part of you - which they originally thought and so they get upset as they don't have any concept that you are in the other room and you will be back. To them, you are just gone! If you keep practising what I suggested, you will be reinforcing that yes, mummy is going but that you will be back - that should help?

She's probably fine when in baby classes as distracted - that's typical behaviour imo.

My 11 month old DS knows the routine really well now. The other day I just said to him "Mummy be back in a minute" and he just turned to me and waved - awww.

That is sooo cute! Savour it...when they get to teenagers you will turn around to find them doing the V instead of waving cutely! lol!

Some of my friends' babies were mega-clingy from as young as 6 months (mine got clingy nearer to 12 months). It's definitely just a phase. I read somewhere that at this age they can leave you quite happily as long as you're still in the same place when they come back, but if you try to leave them it's a different matter. I think how you deal with it depends on your personality and what you can cope with. One of my friends just accepted that she oculdn't leave her dd and knew the phase would pass. My dd3 (16 months) has just started yelling the moment I leave her in the creche she's been going to since she was born, and last time kept going until I came back an hour later. I'll see how she is next time, and then may have to re-evaluate! Good Luck.

Thanks for the replies I had a feeling there would not be a magic answer, although reassuring to think hopefully it is just a phase.

Have you tried doing peekaboo games? It helps with separation anxiety. Babies need to know that you will come back after you've gone, peekaboo is the first way they learn that. Obviously this gets adapted according to the development of your child, hiding behind the door, hide and seek etc. The key is to keep things light and happy.
Also, regarding what you said about when your daughter goes off with other kids, that's her choice and she's leaving you behind, it's different. It's very likely that she still knows you're there even if she isn't looking around for you.