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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Dealing with a 3 year old consumerist?

19 replies

Twiglett · 09/09/2004 16:03

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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jampot · 09/09/2004 16:06

I say to mine (who are older) "Well I want to win the lottery and I'm still waiting patiently"

Angeliz · 09/09/2004 16:06

start your Christmas list (tell him you have anyway)
Every time dd says it i say, "ooh i'll put it on your list"

GeorginaA · 09/09/2004 16:45

We have a star chart going, so he has a list of toys to save up for. 16 stickers (pretty 4x4 grid!) means he gets a small toy - he can earn one sticker a day for a specific thing. We've had a bit of a toilet training relapse, so at the moment it's for staying dry - previously was for good behaviour in the morning before breakfast. He's saving up for a Buzz lightyear which hopefully he'll get tonight!

So, now when he says "I want" if it's a small toy I'll say "oh, you'll have to save up for it then" ... if a big toy "you'll have to ask father christmas for it". It's had the added bonus that he only "earns" toys he really wants (as by the time he needs to pick a new toy goal, it's something he's remembered for a long time).

Works well for us, anyway.

Blu · 09/09/2004 16:54

DS, 3, has started saying 'can I have some more horrible medecine so that I can have a star chart and get a real dog?'

Angeliz · 09/09/2004 20:31

Blu, they're not daft are they???

Lowryn · 09/09/2004 20:53

DD is doing that as well. My mum used to chant "I want, doesn't get" at me when I was young, and I remember it used to infuriate the hell out of me...I find myself doing the chant these days
We went round a toy shop today looking for a present for a friends party this weekend, and she kept saying "I want that thing mummy" "I want that one" and in the end I said Okay, where's my money...Oh look, it's all gone. Lets go and look for the money tree shall we. And she sulked instead!

Chinchilla · 09/09/2004 20:56

My ds' answer to the lack of money issue is, 'You GET money mummy'.

tigermoth · 10/09/2004 06:46

agree about saying I'll put it on your christmas list - and if christmas has just gone, change that to birthday list.

To help avoid tantrums when leaving toy shops empty handed, I would tell my son that I'll get that kind shop assistant to save the favoured toy 'till later'and hand it over the counter with a wink to the assistant.

Earlybird · 10/09/2004 07:03

I don't have a discussion, but simply say "we're not going to get that now", and offer no further explanation. She accepts my answer, and doesn't plead/whinge. But, sometimes if I can predict that the potential for "I want" is there, I'll prepare her in advance by saying "we're going into this shop to get a gift for xx's birthday. We're not going to get anything for you this time. Please can you help me find something xx would like." Then if she's a good girl, I will reward her by getting something small like a pack of stickers. At this point, she's happy with that. She also knows that we don't get a treat everytime, so she doesn't expect it and then feel unhappy if it's not a treat day.

Will it continue? Who knows - but it works for now.

Earlybird · 10/09/2004 07:06

Oh - and if/when I give her the small "reward", I do it with lots of praise for how good she's been so that she knows why she's gotten it (good behaviour)......not that mummy has caved in to pressure from dd.

marialuisa · 10/09/2004 08:42

Well, as a mummy who frequently gives her child catalogues to look through to keep her occupied I don't know if i'm well-placed to respond!

Like Earlybird we do the "we will look in the shop but we're not buying anything" and she does accept it. DD does do a lot of "I want.." but if she REALLY wants something she's a bit more cunning, "that Angelina book is so beautiful. Is it very expensive? If I'm good Father christmas might get it me" accompanied by wistful face.

TBH I think you've just got to blank them out when they do this. They get the message in the end.

valleygirl · 10/09/2004 15:58

we have started giving them pocket money (they are 4 and 6) and any trips to the shops which end in "i want, i want" we just turn around and say if they want it they'll have to save up their pocket money. it really seems to have worked. if they spend it frivilously and then want something else we just say it's down to them what they spend it on and they'll just have to start saving again.

Tartegnin · 10/09/2004 16:12

Earlybird - our DD was just like that, and we used to smugly congratulate ourselves on how non-consumer she was. Then, she turned five (in August) and it's like a switch has been thrown! Now, she seems to tune into any tv commercial or character promotion and is constantly saying "I want" or "I need". We're not so smug anymore! We are quite firm with her, though, because we love getting her special "just because" treats, but not because she "needs" them. I like the pocket money idea, though, Valleygirl, which might give her a little control and make her more discerning.

Earlybird · 10/09/2004 21:18

Tartegnin - You're right that I may be in for a rude awakening when dd is a bit older. But, for now, she accepts a "no" with little reaction. Long may it continue!

Original poster

Twiglett · 10/09/2004 21:19

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Tortington · 11/09/2004 22:02

my kids haven't entered into anything like that becuase sdly they always hae seemed to be aware that money isn't at a premium in out house. however the power of adverts is huge. i was talking with the twins about opening a bank account for them (14yo has one already) and i said i didn't like ds1 bank and we started off a conversation then about banks and how it prolly be best to get bank in town thats accesible. my ds2 said he wanted that bank with the cartoon character that wears glasses and drives a car - he meant the halifax. i thought it amazing that he retained that information.

Sweetypie · 11/09/2004 22:09

I like the Christmas list idea... otherwise it's NO and I am sorry but whinging is niot a big deal, I ignore it.... I don't have unlimited funds, I have explained this to the kids... they might whinge but not for very long.
They get lots of cuddles, kisses and attention and I feel that is better than a present. I think they realize this actually.

nikkim · 11/09/2004 22:13

one of the joys of being divorced is I can say ask Daddy!

nikkim · 11/09/2004 22:19

On am more serios note my dd is nearly three and she used to ask for toys and sweets all the time and I used to say anything to just keep her quiet so would go down the track of maybe for christmas or maybe for your birthday

But now I just say no! I explain that mummy only has so many pennies and that if we buy lots of toys we can't have nice days out. This does stop the whinging.

My problem is that dd has a very wealthy father ( unfortunately his maintenance doesn't reflect that .. but that is another story on another thread) so he does buy her whatever she wants. trying to be unpleasant he told dd that mummy was poor so only Daddy could buy her things! When she asked me if I was poor I agreed which has almost stopped her asking for things altogether.

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