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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

OMG DD aged 3 wandered off on her own

20 replies

worriedmumsie · 10/07/2007 15:13

She is normally very reliable so when she disappeared around the corner I assumed she would wait and jump out at me. When i got round the corner she wasn't there, or round the next one. When I was about to run terrified to the next corner to find her, someone who knows us had brought her back round. It was near school so at least safer than other places but..... She's NEVER done this before . I told her I was worried and upset and tried to explain - carefully without details to distress her - I normally shout when I'm cross but didn't as i was too shocked. I'm not sure she really understands why she shouldn't have done it. Help - what can I do to stop it happeneing again? I was so scared.

OP posts:

octo · 10/07/2007 15:15

I have an accident prone houdini too - just need to be on your toes

FoeGlassSlipper · 10/07/2007 15:17

My DD (also 3) tried to run out of a neighbours house yesterday onto the road. Never done anything like it before. She got the b*king off her life. And DH repeated when he got home. Hopefully she'll think twice.

Just emphasise the danger from cars etc and hopefully it will sink in.

Original poster

worriedmumsie · 10/07/2007 15:17

It's just so unlike her as usualyy she asks if she can run ahead to the corner, or stays with me. i just want her to understand why she shouldn't without frightening her.

OP posts:

Original poster

worriedmumsie · 10/07/2007 15:19

She kept off the road - TG - I did try to explain if something happened I wouldn't have been able to help, but she didn't seem to be too bothered. i should have blown my top but I was so stunned I was unusually calm.

OP posts:

Original poster

worriedmumsie · 10/07/2007 15:51

bump please

OP posts:

Nightynight · 10/07/2007 15:56

I think this is just normal for 3 yr olds, tbh. Mine has only 2 modes when we go out
a. Run off as fast as she can
b. Sit down on the pavement and ask mummy to carry her.

She does follow instructions like "dont cross the road" but I wouldnt rely on her doing so just yet.

Charlee · 10/07/2007 15:59

My DS 2.8 learnt how to open the front door and escaped, luckily he was in the back garden and not the main duel carriage way outside. I have deadlocked it now so he can't get out, i had no idea he could reach it let alone open it!

Charlee · 10/07/2007 16:00

sorry ment to add.

I'm not sure what you can do except keep telling her, slip it into games she is playing ect that she can't wander off y herself.

BandofMuggles · 10/07/2007 16:09

My DD1 is 3 1/2 and I have only just started letting her walk without reins. I didn't trust her to not do exactly tihs, and when I was hugely pg and with newborn dd2 I couldn't run after her.

Some people hate reins but frankly, if they keep your child safe what's the harm.
While she wore them I taught her road safety and to hold on. Now if she isn't behaving I threaten to put them on her like a baby and she behaves.

Original poster

worriedmumsie · 10/07/2007 16:11

Thank you - I guess I've been lucky up to now and therefore not been as vigilant as I might be and need to be more so - I might mention to pre school and ask them to talk about it generally, they do things so much better than me - I don't want to make a big thing about it but I was so scared, it didn't help when I told DH and he pointed out she has blond hair and is attractive,just like Madeleine

OP posts:

Original poster

worriedmumsie · 10/07/2007 16:11

Not sure she would wear reins but it could be a good idea as a threat.

OP posts:

SJLTM · 16/07/2007 17:53

Hi
Just read your op and had to add.
I have just had the fright of my life, with my also blonde 3 yr old. Trying to get her to be more road aware, safety etc; we have been walking to school, holding hands and pushing dolls pram and so on.
After a very naughty weekend (give me terrible twos anyday) and escaping while shopping earlier, I bent down to talk to ds2 and she was GONE. Cutting a long story short after much panic, she had gone out of the playground and crossed a busy road with the flow of mums buggies and children.
How lucky I feel that a young couple had the sense to return her to the playground !!!
She was VERY upset. I have just been and purchased a wrist strap any comments on these most welcome.
Hubby is away so I have had a good cry and now have had a large glass of rose LOL.

SJLTM · 16/07/2007 18:09

Oh just to finish my day with a bang , I have just found the biggest head louse I have ever seen running through her hair!! She is now running around the garden covered in fullmarks !!

lucylala · 19/07/2007 00:13

wow, i could have posted your thread. We have just come back from holiday (only in Lakes) and my 3yr old wandered out of restaurant (there was a little play area and we all thought she was in there). She was gone for about 5mins before we found her, I was frantic but trying to remain calm and my mum was crying and a total wreck (we had to get her a brandy to calm her down!).

I found my dd at bottom of some stairs (we were in a shopping complex) and I was hugging her and telling her off at same time. I also didn't know how to explain, I just said 'you frightened mummy, I thought you were lost' and 'don't ever, ever leave mummy again' but trying not to shout.

She has NEVER EVER been a wanderer so I couldn't believe she would just walk away, she wasn't in the slightest bit upset either.

I'm totally on edge now that she's going to do it again.

Suppose it's just another way of growing up and asserting themselves.

SJLTM · 19/07/2007 13:23

Hi
The wrist strap, so far has been fantastic.
I keep explaining to dd3 why she is wearing it, and how it keeps her safe etc. I have had a few odd looks and a few knowing smiles LOL. I still keep thinking of all the things that could have happened to her, I think it will be a while before I let her run free !

Blu · 19/07/2007 13:29

general instructions like 'don't run off' are useless and confusing to young children, as they cn't work ut the difference between running ahead and running off.

Be very specific in you instructions / requests, e.g
Run to the corner but no further - do not run round the corner.
Or better still
Run to the corner and then stop and wait for me.
And if she does not comply put a wrist strap on er. Explain that if she does not folow your instructions she will have to walk holding hands or wear wrist strap. But the instructions must be v precise and clear.

imo.

meandmyflyingmachine · 19/07/2007 13:32

My dd did this all the time.

I say "you can go to the next lamp-post" or "wait by the blue car". I don't think she really gets "don't go out of my sight" or "don't go around the corner". Pick an object for her to wait next to. Take reins/wrist strap in your bag and put them on her if she doesn't do it.

SJLTM · 19/07/2007 14:46

Thank Blu and flying machine, I will give that a go when I am feeling braver!! I can remember using reins as a threat with my ds1 (now 20) and I'm sure it worked (trys hard to remember 17 years ago)LOL

pastalady · 19/07/2007 15:55

That must have been terrifying worriedmumsie.

My sister did even worse than that when she was about that age. She lived in a small town and my dad 'lost her' in the small Saturday market. She walked through the back door in floods of tears and alone (having walked to 5 min walk from the market place, down the high street, down the passage way and down our street by herself) and was followed 15 mins later by my dad in a state that can only be described as pure hysteria.

If her new thing is walking off, just try not to give her the oportunity. The big tellings off when she does should help get the message through.

I know that my DS would run to the end of the earth without looking back if he had the chance so I keep him on reins, but then he is younger.

Don't worry and don't feel bad, it's a new behaviour that you are now aware of and can work on.

pastalady · 19/07/2007 15:58

Also, as I like to let my DS 'run free' when it's safe, but I can't keep up with him as I'm pregnant, I find luring him to go in the direction you want with the promise of 'lolly's, zig-zag walls, swing etc helps.

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