I have always struggled as a parent but managed to hide this from my children and put a brave face on for them. For the past year I have had a complete melt down, screaming and crying in front of them unable to cope with the pressures of being a single Mum.
my children are only 4 and 5 and my son is high functioning ASD. He is really grumpy and so very persistent, he only takes no for an answer when I shout at him and have a meltdown. It's as if he needs to see me break before he understands what no means.
He's so mean to his sister and we have an awful life limited to park and the house and even then that's a push. My son is the main reason that I struggle and the cause of my marriage break down.
I honestly want the best for my children and I don't think that it is with me. I love them very much but know these meltdowns will effect them for life. I have tried counselling, behaviour management, anger Managment, hypnotherapy... so you can see I am fully aware that I want to change for the good of my children. Nothing works. I can deal with them perfectly on a one to one but as soon as they are both together it's awful. My son just cannot cope. I keep them apart as much as possible. My daughter is in full time child care. My boy Has just started school. So they only see each other in the morning and for bedtime, for an hour. That hour kills me, it's awful. My daughter is good and cries a lot because my son just hurts here all the time.
I say I'm a single mum, technically I'm not. I'm still married to my husband but we sleep separate rooms and have separate life's; he shares zero responsibility for the children. He sees them on-the weekends for about 5-8 hrs. He comes and goes as he pleases and takes no interest in the kids. He loves them dearly but is most likely on the spectrum himself so he doesn't know how to do anything apart from work(this is real) . He is a good provider and a good man.
I have thought about divorcing him and giving him the kids. I see this as the only way out. I don't want this as I do believe once the kids are older we will be ok together, but that's years from now so I may just be dreaming. Also, he won't know how to parent them so he would most likely pass them on to a family member.
I won't consider putting them in care or foster or adoption.
I have thought about boarding school but they are too young for that. 11 would be a good age.
I could get a Nanny who takes most of the childcare off me. I have tried this a few times and it never worked, but I am willing to try again as they are older now.
So for now I am stuck and I really want to hear how I can be helped.
I don't want people here to judge, I know what I do is wrong. I would like some advice about what I can do.