4 year old you can't hold a conversation - starting to worry

[bozzy]

DS will be 4 in August - he is bright - has known his numbers for a long time, knows his colours, alphabet etc. He loves his songs and sings all the time (almost to replace conversations). He knows all his animals etc and remembers most objects etc. The problem is that he can't seem to hold a conversation with anyone (people talk to him and he just ignores them). He has started to have lots of tantrums (I think from frustration)and makes up swear words (first was dumbdangs!) sometimes watermelon etc - very random. He also does a lot of breathing like he is running out of breathe and we wonder if this is stress related. So worried - we have requested that he be held back a year from school as he really wouldn't cope. He doesn't seem to know how to relate to things (ie he wouldn't understand about going to school etc). Anyone know of someone to see in London who may be able to assess him??

Issues with children don't sometimes start to show until they are of school age - they become more pronounced and you start to compare with other children of the same age.

With DS1 I realised that he had some issues when he was 4 (in reception) and addressed them. He has mild hyperactivity and dxysprasia.

What you describe could be just normal development for your son and by your own admission life is a bit stressful.

Have the nursery told you what they are planning to do to help your ds? If he has trouble following verbal instructions would they, for example, give him visual instructions instead? Picture symbols can be a real help, particularly if the staff want your ds to remember a sequence of instructions, eg "Put the toys away and then sit on the carpet".

Could they let him have a quiet space to go to when he is feeling overwhelmed by it all?

Parts of your description remind me of my 4yr-old ds2. I think I saw on another thread somewhere that you were worried about Aspergers? My ds2 does have AS but as I have no experience of non-autistic 4yr-old boys I couldn't honestly say whether all those things you describe are unusual.

Thank you for your feedback. I am doing as much as i can to get back to "normality". I guess I am questioning whether I should think about sending him to a different school or nursery in spain instead of the current nursery - he does love it there but I am not convinced that it is as structured as it could be... it may be a mix of so many factors so my DH and I are trying to make him feel as secure as possible and give him loads of attention. This is meant to be the best nursery in Gibraltar (it is brand new and does have lovely teachers,. The teacher (who has just left) used to fill in a book each day about DS and I used to respond, telling her what he did at the weekend etc so she could prompt him . This did work really well but now I feel it is a little more serious... still trying to get hold of a speech therapist! I'm sure that will help. Anyone recommend a good one in London???

The bizarre thing thinking about it.. as far as concentration levels go, socially he used to have the best out of all his male friends (they used to run around madly and he would happily play with his trains etc) He loves to finish jigsaw puzzles etc and sat through "Shrek 3" with me last week - first time he had been to the cinema - he loved it. So I think he finds it difficult to concentrate for long in the classroom

Dear Bozzy,

you could be describing my DS1, just after we moved. He arrived here when he was 2.5, was incredibly sociable and desperate to go to nursery. He hated it and the first year of school (they start at 3 here). All the changes and the language issues just proved too much. At school, he became a different child, solitary, aggressive and sad. Two years on, he is back to his old self. He has a best friend, likes people again, enjoys school and his three languages are coming on in leaps and bounds.

DS2, well, are you sitting comfortably? He has lots of single words, doesn't do conversation as such but does interact, with adults. A SALT came into the school, saw him for 10 minutes and then came back to do a full assessment with a developmental expert. Their report says he has no comprehension, which explains his lack of language. I took their report to my paediatrician (who didn't even read it being of the opinion DS2 could simply be struggling with so much input i.e. 3 languages) but did refer me onto the early intervention team. If you have one of these available to you, they are brilliant. They have interviewed me, are about to see DS2 and can access specialist SALTs and paediatricians, if necessary. For the first time, somebody actually listened.

Meantime, I have lurked on here, particularly the SN and SN education boards. From info there, I bought the MAKATON pack - have a look and if you'd like my parent pack 1, you'd be most welcome. I have almost finished it. DS1&2 love the "Something Special" programmes and I can see DS2's progress. All I need now is something similar in Spanish as everyone is recommending we use mostly Spanish with him.

HTH and you are still awake!

Thanks NMNN, that certainly gives me some inspiration to go with my instincts and get some expert help (trying to decide whether I am better off go to Marbella/Malaga or London (if there is nothing in Gibraltar). He hasn't started on Spanish yet.

Hi Bozzy,

I happen to see this post from so long ago. I see the exact symptoms in my son. I wonder what you find out after the evaluation was done.

I read your posts on mumset.. i know its like 10yrs back.. but i have a child 3.5yrs and your posts are exactly describing him... i want to know how your son was taken careoff... im going thru the same fear and anxiety issues about my son as you did before years. Kindly help.

Regards,

Neev
[email protected]

Hii smetafer,
My daughter has same symptoms.can u pls tell me how he is doing now?

Don't stress and definitely do not push him to engage in conversations. It takes some children longer than others to really get in to that. He sounds quite normal in every other regard.

I love his swear words, so inventive! Mine used to say, "Bum bottom!".

Hello, my DS is 25 months old. He doesn’t call mama or dada (he knows who’s mama and dada though). He doesn’t answer yes/no questions; for instance if I ask him if he wants something (showing that thing to him), he would grab it if he wants it or just look away and ignore it if doesn’t want. He doesn’t understand choice questions as well. He talks to himself; just randomly repeat words he knows (like saying these words together: car fireworkS ball) without looking at me. He doesn’t initiate or hold conversations. He only answers questions like what’s this? What colour is this? Where’s x thing (the things should be in the same room; he would get it and bring it to me). He follows very few instructions (when he wants) like: Give me x, Take x, bring me the story, throw this in the bin (many times I need to point to things so he knows what I am talking about). He talks single words (knows the colours, fee shapes, count to 10, some alphabet, some nursery rhymes, farm animals, ball, shoes, jacket, car, light, star, moon, sun, fireworks, bye, hello.. might add up to 50 words). Few times he would say daddy come (when his father arrives) and few times would say black car or blue ball. He won’t repeat after me if I ask him thing like: say to daddy “I love you” or “come” But if he’s in good mood and I ask him to say some single words he would repeat them after me. He is not interested to help me out in house work. He likes to run, jump and throw toys (he would sometimes build block tower and then knock it down); he’s not interested to play with cars. He’s impatient when telling him story he wants to look at the pictures and finishes. He doesn’t ask for anything; few times he would bring the hot chocolate jar and hand it to me and say chocolate. He is a fussy eater; he only eat few bites and that’s it; then I have to put him on highchair, strap him and pit anything on tv to distract him and then feed him; we stay between 30mins and an hour on meals; he’s on the 5th percentile. He loves cuddles, laughs and smiles when playing with him, follows me from room to room, answer when I call him, maintain eye contact. He doesn’t like it when his baby brother cries so he directly leave the room or come to me and say his brother’s name. He ignores his baby brother most of the time. He wants to sleep nest to me every night. His baby brother is 14 weeks old.
We live alone with no friends or family around; so he is not exposed to other kids. We’ve been sending him to daycare for the past three months and our language at home is not English. Should I be worried?

Hi, I know this is an ancient thread but I'm having similar conversation/language issues with my 4 year old and just would like to know how your little biy progressed x

Hi - i am also experiencing the same with my almost 4 year old - how has yours progressed ?

Hi - i am also experiencing the same with my almost 4 year old - how has yours progressed ?

Hi,
I remember how desperate I was for a reply when I wrote this 2 years ago!
My now 6 year old is in year 1 and progressing amazingly. He is top of his class in reading & spelling and is heading the same way in maths.
Socially, he wasn't and still isnt the best at having conversations, but he has a good little friend group and enjoys the company of his best friends.
Although he still shows the 'worrying' signs, such as not interested in long conversions, expressing his opinions when asked etc, we have come to realise its all just part of his personality. He's sweet natured, kind, so loving and funny! He is unique and I never want him to lose that!
We've never got him officially diagnosed (he gets by at school fine, he is on an EHCP so has a TA who regularly helps him) however in my opinion (I'm a teacher) he does show signs of ASD and ADD. We have our own strategies to handle the niggles that crop up and we communicate well with school to make sure everyone's on the same page.
I used to worry about him daily, his development, his happiness and all round well being. Although, as a mum, I still have these worries, it's no longer centred around his neurodiversity, and more just regular worries! He has his 'quirks' but I no longer worry about him being "normal" or accepted. He's loved so much and he is happy!! I hope this helps, even a little bit x

Thank you so so so much for your reply honestly means alot !! Can I please ask if you don’t mind what you mean by “quirks”?

Erm it's hard to pinpoint them now as it's just part of his personality 😅
He doesn't like certain songs or singing, hates the happy birthday song- but he tolerates it when its for other people!
He needs a warning before moving tasks (e.g if he's playing the switch he needs a 5 minute warning to stop or he'll get upset)
He hates having bare feet
He responds to some questions in a way that doesn't make sense... he still finds it tricky to express opinions when asked/things that aren't black and white
He says he 'scared' when he doesn't want to do something
He has vocal and physical stims most days (jumping usually)
He used to love fireworks but hated them last time we went to disney
Has to hold the remote control in his hands and rewinds his favourite bits/fast forwards over bits he doesn't like....
Talks about precisely how many days until something (eg. 7 more days off school, and he'll recall this each day)
That's the ones I can think off the top of my head! X