Hi Janell. It sounds like this situation is getting hard for both of you. I really sympathise with your worry over how other parents/kids perceive your son but I do think this kind of physical "over-exuberance" is quite common among little boys. Certainly both of mine (twins-3 yrs 4mnths) can get a bit carried away if they are play fighting, especially with each other or with their Dad. The same holds true for many of their friends. I've read that rough-housing actually helps kids to be able to control themselves physically and (eventually!) play hard without hurting, so maybe your son has partially the right idea in viewing playfights as a form of male communication!. (This is discussed in Steve Biddulph?s- ?Raising Boys?. I agree with Zebra that it?s worth a read.)
I suppose it?s a matter of giving your boy VERY clear messages on what is and isn?t acceptable and then enforcing your rules. I try to step in immediately if I spot a wayward push/hit/shove/punch and say something like ?we don?t hit (or whatever evil deed has been perpetrated) in this family because it hurts and if you can?t play without hitting you will have to?sit with me and calm down/go home/leave the room/whatever seems appropriate at the time.? Obviously I then have to carry out the consequence I have prescribed should the incident recur. If I?m relatively calm and am firm, without bring too cross and shouty (not always possible, I find!), this seems to work pretty well. However, I do find it much harder to deal well with this kind of situation when one of mine is involved in an aggressive dispute outside the family, particularly if I like or dislike the mother of the other child very much! I suppose the best you can do sometimes is to swallow any embarrassment and continue to be firm but fair with your boy.
Is your son attending any kind of nursery/school/playgroup/regular drop-in? If so, I would definitely have a word with the staff and get their take on his behaviour and their advice for helping him to overcome the problem, if indeed they agree that there is a problem. If he does not go to nursery, would it be worth trying to arrange for him to attend some kind of regular provision? Perhaps mixing with other kids in a more routine, formal way, rather than during the rough and tumble of soft play and parties ? which are rarely conducive to calm behaviour and good impulse control, IME!- would help him work through this phase successfully. I also think soothepoo?s suggestion is a good one- I find that I frequently need to spell out lessons of basic communication to my two, such as: ?If X is crying he probably wants you to stop lying on top of him? and ?If you don?t want Y to hit you with his light sabre, say ?stop that, I don?t like it.??. Kids this age seem so bright, compared to hitherto fore, little walking, talking, thinking people, that it?s quite easy for me to forget what a lot there is for them still to learn!
Welcome to Mumsnet, by the way.