Teaching resilience to children with autism

[ContessaIsOnADietDammit]

I spoke to DS2's teacher at parents evening last week, and asked her off-hand (as in, I hadn't planned the question) whether she thought DS2 might be on the autistic spectrum. She replied, a touch cautiously, that he did score quite highly on autistic spectrum traits (I've observed this too). I've suspected that he might be on the spectrum (or at least not dead-on NT) for some time, as we have a history of autism in the family and various of his behaviours seem to fit the general profile. So her opinion corroborates my own. She did note that his behaviours weren't sufficiently pronounced to merit the attention of a SENCO, but that they did have copious notes on how to best handle him (i.e. lots of notice of changes, doing things in a predictable order etc).

We had previously been discussing resilience, and how DS2's resilience needs to improve. I agree, again, that this needs to happen - he crumbles distressingly easily.

Does anyone have any advice on teaching resilience to children, particularly children with autism? His pattern of crumbling is eerily similar to my own, and I've always thought I might not be entirely NT either. I've learnt to just push my feelings down and push through the terror, but that doesn't sound great now that I come to tell someone

Any advice anyone can offer would be very welcome! He is just shy of 7yo, if that is helpful.

Anyone?

Bumping for the dinnertime crowd, hopefully

Can you pinpoint the reasons behind him crumbling? Is he struggling with the sensory environment or transitioning between activities for example? Once you understand what is triggering the behaviour then you can look at building up coping strategies.

You say you have thought he was on the spectrum for awhile, have you considered pursuing a diagnosis? I’d recommend you have a read of this thread. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3507873-Benefits-of-a-diagnosis?pg=1&order= He may not need any extra support at school currently, but if he is autistic that might change as he gets older.

Thanks for the reply :) he tends to crumble when he thinks he has got something wrong and that he's let people down. We try to reassure him that he hasn't let anyone down, but he still gets very very upset. It happens at school often as a result of him having tuned out on the carpet

I have been wondering if he might benefit from a diagnosis in later life. DH is very dismissive of the entire notion though; he flat-out said he doesn't believe the teacher. I don't understand why you wouldn't though. DS2 fits the bill perfectly

Thanks for the thread recommendation, will have a read!

It sounds like he may be suffering from anxiety. He could be finding it difficult to understand what is being asked of him/social rules and this is causing him to worry and become anxious. The NAS website has a good article on social interaction here that maybe helpful.

I think your DH's reaction is fairly common. I pretty much had the same reaction when the HV raised concerns with me about my DS. I found reading about autism really helpful. You have probably already heard of it, but Neurotribes by Steve Silberman is worth reading. I also really like Chris Bonnello's Autistic Not Weird website. There are lots of great articles there.

Can you use social stories to teach him ways to cope/ what to do if he’s finding certain situations difficult?

Resilience is supported by finding techniques the make the challenges more manageable and having a basic level of emotional well-being and self-esteem that equip you to cope with the knocks without being overwhelmed by them or allowing them to define you.

If your DS is lacking resilience, he probably needs more support in school to help make the generally day to day environment and routines feel safer and more manageable. Only then will he build he resilience to cope with the larger challenges.

Some professionals (teachers especially in my experience) think that you build resilience by forcing children with ASD to remain in situations that cause them anxiety and distress. IMHO, this has seriously damaged the mental health of numerous children with ASD and continues to do so every day.

If his resilience is being eroded and he is perceptibly 'crumbling' in class, the SENCo should be involved, strategies to support him reviewed and support increased until he stops crumbling.

In your position, I would also request a neurodevelopmental assessment so he has a diagnosis, if appropriate, in case his difficulties in school increase as he matures- this is very common in children with ASD. The assessment is also likely to provide you with reports that make recommendations about his support in school from specialists in ASD who know far more about the condition than the teacher or SENCo.

Thanks everyone; how would I go about requesting a neurodevelopmental assessment?

Your GP can refer (or possibly your school nurse). They are usually carried out/coordinated by CAMHS or a community paediatrician.

If you're going to ask the GP, I would recommend going alone. It isn't always helpful for children to hear everything you need to say to get the referral.