Angry 4 year old

[OonaghT]

My 4 year old son gets incredibly angry. It’s having a negative affect on my husband, older son and I.
It’s difficult to predict what will trigger the anger but he goes from 0-100 in the blink of an eye. He will shout, throw toys, topple chairs, hit, cry etc.
He’s a bright boy with a good vocabulary and is able to talk about his emotions well.

Some days I feel very creative and able to work with him other days I’m fed up and I get angry too. My husband is the same. We’ve tried time out but he wrecks the place, ignoring him lengthens the tantrum, shouting back is like fuel to the fire, talking him through it is what we do most often but it’s been months now and no improvement.

It always ends with him reaching a crescendo, crying and apologising. But this morning he also started saying that no one likes him and my heart is broke.

To make matters worse he won’t sleep without me and I’m too exhausted to do anything about the sleep situation.

I’m going to phone the health visitor tomorrow.
I’m really hoping someone has some practical advice.

[magicroundabouts]

That sounds very hard and draining for you all . A good book to read is The Explosive Child by Ross Greene, which has lots of advice for children who lose their temper easily/blow up.

Is your DS at school yet? Have they mentioned any issues? It might be worth having a chat just to see how he is getting on. I think 4 can be a tricky age, as they still very little but the demands increase with preschool/school. Tiredness can be factor. Holding it together at school and then losing it at home over something small, because they feel safe and are worn out from the day.

[MumUnderTheMoon]

Honestly it sounds like his issues might be control based. My dd is very controlling (or at least try's to be) I just have to be more stubborn than she is. She doesn't really tantrum anymore as she has figured out that it doesn't work.
You said he wrecks the place when he is angry. Does he have his own room? When dd was little her bedroom only had her bed in it. If you strip his room you could put him in there then he'd have nothing to destroy. If he gets going just pick him up and take him to his room. Don't engage him at all. Once he's in his room you could close a safety gate or, if he can open it hold the door closed till he calms down, or keep putting him back until he calms down. If you don't want to put him in his room then clear your hallway and put him there.