Ah, right, i think I get it Megglevache, you thought the bit of my post that went 'I do think if your child is being picked on you I honestly think are not doing your job if you don't try to help them to fit in more as well as finding them compatible companions." was aimed at you, and I can understand that if you thought that you might be upset, but it wasn't aimed at you at all. Not a bit. it was aimed at people who I think have very fitty-inny kids who can be a bit (IMO) complacent. I don't have a remotely fitty-inny kid at all. Ds has Aspergers so will need quite a lot of help to be part of the crowd, and it is a good thing to be able to fit in, and I DO think that it is important for parents like Megglevache and me to think about how to make that happen for our children IF our kids are suffering in any way from not fitting in. Some boys can wear a pink tutu to school and be so charismatic and socially skilled that it doesn't matter, others, like mine, need a lot more help. And I do think it is my job to help him learn where he is making social mistakes IF those mistakes are making him in any way lonely and sad.
I am pretty shocked that three year olds are noticing differences in other three year olds. I find my odd little five year old is fairly well accepted by other much more socially skilled five year olds, but I'm not going to be complacent. He will struggle to fit in, but very much wants to have friends, so I'm going to have to teach him about personal space, listing and talking, how to make conversations, how to dress and all sorts of things that take care of themselves in most kids, and that's what informs my views.
I think Megglevache is RIGHT to think about how to help her son if he is accidentally making himself a victim. Yes, wear a tutu at home, let him be whoever he wants, but if doing those things in public makes him miserable and he doesn't understand why, tell him! Guide him! Absolutely.