stretched beyond limits

[51andfedup]

my 11 year old daughter has changed from a fun and lovely girl into a rude, disrespectful and irreverant preteen way more quickly than my older two did and it is so hard not to be reactive. I don't know whether to really put my foot down and remove computer/phone time etc...or accept that her hormones are raging and she just has to go through this.
She and I are both reactive people. Everytime I try and say she is being out of order and too rude she has a come back. It is driving me mad. On top of which having a troubled and lost 25 year old daughter at home too. What a nightmare!!!! Any thoughts??

Ooh I'm going through this! My DD turns 11 next week and she's SO rude at times. She acts as though she's better than me! And her sister who is 14 was never that bad!

I think when they have older siblings, they learn faster how to talk back. I also struggle with removing phones etc because I genuinely don't think that it's an effective technique. I've been talking to DD about self-control and when she feels ragey, what to do to stop her being rude.

Taking deep breaths, counting to ten...and recognising the moment when she makes the decision to say something rude and disrespectful....asking her to NOTICE when she's about to make the choice of speaking badly to me. I've told her that if she can learn that self control, she will feel better and do better in life.

well I'm glad I'm not the only one! You sound very calm about it and you seem to have made some sensible choices with your daughter. It's a good idea. I think what gets in my way is that I find it hard to take the time to respond in a calm way myself, and what you suggest requires some ability to not be reactive. Maybe I need to count to 10 and make a choice about what I say too!!! Motherhood seems very relentless. I don't understand how so many mothers say it's the most wonderful thing.