My 4 year old DS2 is out of control (well mine anyway!)

[Kaz33]

He has just turned 4 and pushes all the boundaries on a daily basis.

He doesn't eat much and refuses to sit down for meals.
He hits, bites.
He pees, poohs himself.
He's rude.
He walks off on his own when we are walking
He runs off on his own.
If I talk to anyone he starts sulk and demand my attention.

I find myself walking on eggshells as he is so inflexible about everything, I am defusing situations all the time.

I give in to much, DH is terrible at discipline and when he tries it comes out all heavy handed and fierce. So I don't like him to.

I've watched super nanny and don;t do the naughty seat as it doesn't help. Star charts has variable success.

Have no clue I'm afraid, but bumping for you anyway

Hi Kaz. Sorry you are having such a tough time at the moment. I too have a four year old ds and an older child and have never experienced anything like it. Rest assured that some of my friends with ds's are in the same boat as us too. I think this is quite an unsettling time for them, and us, what with school looming on the horizon. I seem to find that I have a week of bad behaviour which can usually be tied in with being over tired or us squeezing too much into our schedule, and then a reprieve when I think I must have imagined the bad behaviour because he is behaving so well. Will have to keep this short as I am going out later but I did not want your post to go unanswered. I too watch Supernanny and end up feeling really bad that I am unable to follow through some of her techniques but we are only human and doing the best we can. I went to Sainsburys this afternoon and caught the eye of another mum with what appeared to be a four year old specimen, she was saying "why can't you listen to me for a change". I commented that if she found out what the secret was to make them listen please share it with me!! We both laughed. Good Luck.

Really feel for you - my DS2 has also just turned 4 and is rebelling big time. Don't think there are easy answers - I'm just trying to be very firm and consistent about the things that really matter to us as a family, as well as trying to find anything positive I can to praise him about, e.g. coming when I call him, or asking properly for something instead of just screaming. He couldn't care less about star charts and if I put him on the naughty step he just trashes anything in sight. Also pees himself - big improvement since I started giving him a coin in the evening if he's been dry all day (very motivated by this as big sis gets pocket money). He doesn't understand money so I can give him a tiny amount.

Not easy I know. Sometime I feel cruel being so firm about things but I do honestly believe that children feel more secure if they know their boundaries. The eating is a tricky one as it's so worrying if they don't eat. I don't give in to my DS2 and he's still pushing and pushing so I can imagine what he'd be like if I did. I'm afraid you're just going to have to go deaf to the raging and try not to care what people are thinking in public! GOOD LUCK - you can stand your ground and not give in to him and he'll see he's not controlling you anymore.