Our 3yo son is lashing out at my partner in quite an aggressive way for no apparent reason. It appears to be worse when I am around, or partner reports it to be manageable when she has her days off on her own with him or if I am out for a short period.
I am the primary caregiver and do spend quite a bit more time with him, he is only child - I work in education and I do childcare drop off and pick up and then have a good couple hours before partner is home from long work day. I also have all weekend and school holidays, where as partner is lucky to get every other Sunday with us
He has generally typical toddler behaviour but overall is pretty good. It definitely takes a lot of effort though; options rather than orders, clever negotiations, lots of active time for him, and staying calm / deep breaths when he does have the inevitable toddler tantrum. But more recently he has appeared to take out something, not sure what, on my partner.
Last night I came in from a run and he had apparently been fine while I was out but all of a sudden jumped on her back and started pinching her face hard and hitting her. The more she said stop the more he did it. I intervened and had to pull him off to chill out in his room which caused me to get a whack in the head on the way, but once there and I spoke to him he played for a bit then asked if he could say sorry to mama and was fine.
These are quite short bursts but becoming more often and more aggressive so I wondered if anyone else had had something similar and how they managed it? Should I by intervening or is it better for partner to manage herself (with my support obviously where needed)?
My initial thought is that it is down to not getting enough time with her and it's his way of asking to play, as generally it is me initiating play when we are both home as she is too tired. I have raised this as something that might help but her response is sporadic and if she is overly tired her fuse is shorter so I once again do the playing or take out on a bike ride to keep the peace / give her a rest.
Any advice???