How to teach a 13 month not to hit

[tilly1989]

Recently my 13 month has started hitting people including other children at play center, she made a baby cry and even that didn't seem to make her realize what she did was wrong, I don't want it to get to a point where an older child hits her back

When she goes to hit just take her hand away look at her and say No. She will get the idea and realise you don’t like her doing it. She doesn’t know it’s not nice to hit unless you teach her. Don’t worry they all go through that stage.

As weird as it may sound hitting another child at this age, from a pure developmental point of view, would be seen as a positive as she is showing interest and motivation towards her peers (this is a critical milestone). They say discipline is not about stopping them doing things but showing them how to do things in the right way. She is likely just trying to engage but has no other tools to do this other than hit, there will be no malice behind this and she would probably even be confused on why the other child started crying... when in front of another child, if she raises her arm to hit, turn that raised arm into a wave, followed with a hi, if you interact with the other child yourself she will very soon start mimicking you too :)

I agree with @AladdinMum at 13 months this is how toddlers interact. She is learning cause and effect. She doesn't understand that what she is doing is "bad" or "wrong". What you can do is ask her to be gentle.. when she does it to you, calmly tell her it hurts and don't react in an over the top way as this will encourage her or it will become a game. A calm "please be gentle." And keep a straight face continue what you're doing will make it stop as she will see the affect is pretty boring. However if she hits and you shout or say "ouch!" Or "don't do that!" She'll think, "I like this game/reaction." And she'll do it more just so she can hear your reaction over and over.

when my daughter was a toddler she kicked sand in kids faces so i would take her away and strap her in her pushchair. Eventually she learnt doing this means a end to fun

@rosydreams the problem with this type of discipline, and we have all done it including myself in many occasions is a sign that we are loosing control of the situation and is too easy for us to just pick them up and strap them down (while the toddler is left confused and screaming to be taken away from what they were doing). The problem is that one day they will be too big to pick and strap down. It also encourages them to use force to control others, in the same way you do it to them, they will do to other children (by taking toys from them and literally picking up other smaller children and moving them in order to control their actions when they do not agree with them).

Thanks everyone, we will be going to the play centre again tomorrow so will try the suggestions given, she will occasionally stroke the side of someones face (which I think is cute) but then it turns into the hitting

You might find this video helpful

Thanks again everyone, took her play centre again this week and when she touched another baby I told her to be gentle and after trying to take another babies shoes off, she did something very unexpected and gave the baby a kiss on the forehead so alot better than hitting

That sounds good progress. With young toddlers, it's constant repetition - keep reinforcing the gentle behaviour, and gently moving her hand away and saying "only gentle touches" to the rough behaviour. As others have said, it's not malicious. At this age she doesn't have a "theory of mind" - i.e. a sense of there being other people who are people and who feel sensations in the same way she does. She just about gets "me" and "mummy" and "objects" as concepts (possbily starting to get "other people" - I remember taking DS to the zoo at this age and he was much more interested in watching other children than watching animals - but not really "other people as people").

It's really fascinating realising how toddlers gradually piece together the concept of "other minds" and "other minds which have different viewpoints of the world" (google the "Sally-Anne test" and the age at which children start to wipe marks off their faces when they look in the mirror - it will take you down a fascinating rabbit hole of child development and child psychology - or maybe that's just me being a geeky scientist.)