Terrible tantrums from 6yr old dd

[WhatcanIdotomakethingsbetter]

What can I do?
Im at my wits end over the behaviour of my dd. She can be quite lovely but then has the most awful mood swings. She has always been moody especially when tired but these days the moods are triggered by any thing and at any time
She behaves well at school and when out with other people so the problem is clearly down to being with me
This mornings mood was caused by me asking her to hurry and get herself a pair of socks from her drawer cos I had forgotten them and we were running late. She screamed at me - I hate you! You always make me do everything while (ds,3) does nothing! - and then threw various toys (whatever was to hand) at me
She was sent to her room to calm down which she did under much protest. The whole time she was in there she was shouting how much she hated me and only loves her grandparents
She did eventually get dressed and have breakfast but was stoppy the whole time. She made a very reluctant apology and has now gone off to school - leaving me feeling like the worlds worst mother

Do the tantrums ever end?

no hope then?

It is because she feels secure enough to do this in front of you.
My mum never stopped having tantrums but no-one outside the immediate family ever saw one. But I am sure you can help her deal with them better than my mum's parents did. I know my mum didn't get listened to or much attention when she wasn't tantrumming when she was growing up.

I think the way she 'snapped' over the socks makes it sound as if she was harbouring resentment of some kind, which spilled over at that point.

Do you think it's possible that as the older one, and a girl, that you expect her to be a little too independent, or grown up, or sensible? Could you do a little more WITH her, or for her in order to make her feel that she is 'looked after' just like her little brother?

There is nothing in your post to suggest this, I'm just thinking of the kind of things that could be making her feel this way!

i think you handled it just right, giving her time to calm down. Ignore the stuff about hating you and loving her grandparents - the fact that she felt safe to even say this shows how secure she feels in her mum's love. You are doing a great job.

I absolutely agree with the previous post. My ds has amazing tantrums too (he's 5) but only ever at home with us. Take it as a compliment that she feels secure and safe enough to vent her frustrations with you.

With ds I try to give him more attention at other times (obviously not when he's stropping) like extra cuddles and bedtime stories when he's in a bad phase.

meant to say too that I reckon with ds it is all connected with dd who is 3 years younger. He sees us doing stuff for her that that we expect him to do for himself and resents it sometimes.

Sorry, had to take ds to toddlers.

I do try to give dd time on her own, I am aware that she feels ds gets time on his own with me when she is at school. We do have girlie time (as she calls it) doing craft, which she loves, or pottering round the shops and we having long deep baths using all sorts of lovely soaps/shampoos etc. We especially like doing things that ds doesn't like so he doesn't bother us to join in So I do try to give her special attention, I really do

I'm just not cut out for this motherhood job at all
I'm feeling like the worst mother and all this talk of hating me is getting me down. I know I should be able to ignore it but it comes out every time she's in a rage and it's horrible to hear

hi WhatcanIdotomakeitbetter,
i have dd the same age.
i feel a change on her behaviours about 1.5 months now.
she is having tantrums and calling me names etc.
from my pov they may be tired from the school, and she may be taking it from me.
i wish i could have some time out and be able to gain some energy, i feel so worn out.