5 yo ds rages

[ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual]

My 5 yo ds has absolute rages and I don't know what to do anymore. He's fine at school (reception) although doesn't enjoy it and obviously finds it taxing and tiring. But at home his behaviour is bordering on uncontrollable. He flies off the handle at the slightest thing, screams and shouts, slams doors, and is a physically aggressive - pushes past us, kicks out. His face darkens and he looks as though he hates us.

We are a very loving household. There are lots of kisses, cuddles, praise. We also have boundaries and are calm in what we expect. We try to maintain calm wherever possible, we speak on his level, we explain in age appropriate terms. At the moment we have a marble jar for a visual representation of the consequences of bad behaviour. Marbles can also go back in, so there's a reward for positive behaviour.

But we can't get a handle on it. Today he's had a friend over and his friend asked to go home because ds started shouting at me and dh, and scared him. I'm completely mortified. And lost on what to do. Ds is so wonderfully caring, and funny, and good fun but can't regulate his temper and is getting worse.

Is he on Y1 or Reception OP? Is he getting enough sleep and plenty of downtime too?

What happens preceding the rages? It might be worth seeing if there is a pattern eg hungry, tired overwhelmed.

He's reception.

He's in bed at 7 and awake 5.30/6am. Would ideally sleep later but I think ds2 disturbs him.

I can't really think of a trigger such as hunger etc but yesterday anyway it was all around me asking him to do something (can't remember what but something totally run of the mill). I know he finds the whole routine and rules of school hard so I think he is desperate for some let up. I try hard to give it but also there are some things that just have to be done

I do think he gets overwhelmed easily. I try really hard to manage this. I didn't see yesterday coming at all.