Feel defeated by my seven year old. I really don't know what to do now or how to make things better.

[Pinkchampagne]

He is obviously reacting to the whole separation & recent changes, but I am starting to get really worn down now. I don't know what else to try. We have tried the smiley charts, the smiley only charts (no sad faces), the talks, the taking away toys/DVDs until he earns them back etc, but after 6 weeks there is no improvements & I am starting to feel myself cracking.
Spent a lot of yesterday in tears (the boys even witnessed me crying at one stage, which is something I try hard to avoid), and I am already in tears this morning.
I really am at my wits end & don't know what to do.

Have a great night out PC I'm out tomorrow as well as long as mate doesn't let me down. If she does I'll probably go to see my sister.

Thanks, Ulysees, hope you have a good night too!
I haven't had a good night out with my sister for about a year, so I'm looking forward to it! She lives 30 miles from me, so I am going to stay overnight.

The answer to 'I hate you, mummy.' is 'That's a shame because I really love you, lots and lots'. In other words, don't let it bother you, or don't let him think it bothers you!

It's important not to get drawn in to their nonsense, when they're being a pain, otherwise you find yourselves in a downward spiral of naughtiness -> punishment -> worse naughtiness -> more punitive stuff and so on.

Try and catch him being good and praise that. I know it's hard when you can't rustle up the emotional stamina. It's early days yet, for you and your boys.

No wonder you're looking forward to it then, hope you have a great time. It's good to have a whole night to yourself to recharge our batteries. I know women who never go out not even with their partners and just can't imagine that.

I have really been trying to praise him for the good behaviour, Merlot. I get moments where I feel like I am maybe getting somewhere & things are slowly improving, and then the next moment I feel like I'm fighting a losing battle again.

It was good to get away this w/e & have some time with my sister though, and I did feel refreshed for it yesterday!
Hope you got out at the w/e & had a nice time, Ulysees!

pc, if it helps a little all the 7yr old boys in ds's year have developed the attitude from hell, especially him. I may invest in that book. Hope you're ok (i'm alliebongo btw) x

I wouldn't thin kof any kind of discipline at all. I would be accepting of his behaviour as something he can't really help and his only way to deal with the life being rent asunder because his parents chose to split up.

I would let go most things he does that you don't like and only concentrate on big things and then make sure you say 5 positive things for every negative one and spend a lot of time with him having fun and lots of cuddles.

We bought some books on divorce for chidlren, very basic picture books, that kind of thing might help.

hey pink, y dont u try talking to a heath visitor about it at your local gp, my dd has been going through behavor probs, so when my hv came to visit me about my son i asked her what i could to as i was at my wits end....can be helpful even for someone to say you arent doing anything wrong x

A lot of the children in DS's year group seem to be full of attitude atm, so I agree that some of it may be an age thing, Allie! Seven appears to be rather a trying age, and combined with all the changes DS has been through & the challanges that I have always faced with DS, it is a very testing time.
I will definitely be looking to purchase that book, AB!

I know that I should ignore all the bad, and this is something I must try harder to do, but crikey it's hard, especially when it can be so constant & you are not feeling on top form yourself.
I do really try to praise the good behaviour & give the boys lots of love, but I know I need to try harder to ignore the bad & accept that this is a stage that we were bound to go through & one day things will get better. (I hope!) I wish I knew just the right approach to make things better though.

I haven't read the whole thread, but just wanted to share my family's experience.
My sister went through a divorce two years ago, she has two little girls 9 and 6 at the time, don't underestimate how difficult this is for a child, terribly sad for them.
My sister took her kids to a child psychologist for a few months just to make sure they got on track.
She has made sure, by talking to them over and over again, that the divorce is NOT their fault.
She always has conversations with them and asks them how they are feeling and gives them lots of love, but also disciplines them.
She and ex have made sure that the girls see plenty of him, she even gets her ex involved in school events (together with her) so that the girls can see that they are still THEIR parents.
I don't think the pain of a divorce is ever totally gone, but you can take steps to make your boys feel really loved and secure.
Good luck, and believe me, life gets better, my sister is feeling much better now.