4year old Behaviour challenge need help

[Ashii]

Hi All this is my first thread and im really stressed out ATM With my DS behaviour Challenge...

My DS has been going to nursery since he was 2years and 8months he been very happy and loves his teachers. he has his moments of tantrums but every child has which was not a big issue at the time.. he also has speech delay so hes been going for therapy at the time but now he slowly talking, making sentences and improving on his communications with others around him.

2018 has been a very tough year for him as he was admitted into hospital he was diagnosed with PUV had two surgeries and a key hole surgery for his testicle as only one had drop anyway the surgery was a success 🙏🙌

it took a while for potty training to happen as he wasn't very confident and scared to go onto the toilet.. we also had an assessment for autism before all this happened.

Im still in the process of potty training it's been a couple of months. We went on holiday couple of weeks ago he had his pull ups on most of the time due to him refusing to sit on the toilet their, as he got comfortable with the one at home and at nursery fair enough..
Anyway

Recently his behaviour at nursery has changed he not listening to anyone.. he hits and punches the teachers ( forgot to mention he has a 1-1 support 15hours a week) at nursery.
Even at home he cries and screams and hits me sometimes . Even the "timeout mat" don't work so I decided to take away his favourite toys which made it worse for him but I kept my words and he eventually calmed down. It's been day 3 he having issues at the nursery and I can't figure out what's wrong and why even the teachers there are struggling.
I really feel upset I try to give him as much attention and be there for him as he my only child but I feel like I have failed.. parents at the nursery have complained as he hits other children's and of course they will tell there parents what happen at the nursery. I feel bad I feel like im not doing enough to teach him that hitting is not good.. I've also taken away TV time on his worse days at nursery.

I really don't know what else I can do to help him understand..he is under assessment for autism/ADHD but they haven't diagnosied him. He going to be starting reception in September and in so nervous and scared for him on how he will settle and behave.

I don't know what else I can do ?

I can't offer much advice OP apart from asking MNHQ to move your thread to SN Chat. There are some experienced and lovely MNers in there who will have experience of the diagnosis procedure, how long it takes and how to make the diagnosis work for you

m.youtube.com/watch?v=tzftHNh7xP8

Punishing your son by taking stuff away from him may do more harm than good, have a look at this video

Keep on pushing for those assessments. It sounds as if he is very unhappy and not coping with life in general. You could read up about strategies for managing kids with ASCs and ADHD and try them out with him, it can't do any harm and it may help.

I agree with pp about trying to avoid punishment (and about visiting the MN SN boards too). Time out for aggression at home can be useful because if nothing else it gives everyone a chance to calm down, my DS needed to be alone to calm himself down (though to be fair this doesn't work for all kids). Try not to beat yourself up because you can't stop your DS's hitting immediately, this the long haul. Do not punish him at home for hitting at nursery. It is for them to deal with, at the time and on the spot. Punishment later wont teach him anything, the effect will be to make him feel more anxious and angry which is not what you want because that will make him more aggressive. It is more useful to try to identify the triggers for his temper and find ways to work round them, and as he gets older helping him learn strategies so he can avoid them and manage them too. In the meantime try to keep home a calm and relaxed place for him. He will most likely learn to control himself and stop hitting but it may take him longer than most kids.

One thing that has helped a lot of us, is Ross Greene's Explosive Child book and Lives in the Balance website. It doesn't depend on any particular diagnosis and it is very good where punishments don't seem to help.

for you and for your DS. I am sorry you are both having such a tough time.

Thank you all for your opinions and advise..really means alot.
Im trying to understand him and make him feel comfortable and happy.. yesterday he had a brilliant day at nursery no issue.

I think he just has those moments and your right I need to figure out his trigger before he starts and what causes it.

We are spending the day at home today with movies and food/snacks and he loving it. I have been ringing his therapist for couple of days but unfortunately she been on A/L but back Monday so Im definitely going to call.

He had tough 2018 trying to get his confidence back on toilets has been tough..I feel like it could be frustration with not wearing pulls up.. I don't know.

Thank you again

I would be careful about pushing for ADHD and/or Autism, especially as he has had medical problems. Can you take him back to the doctor? Could he have an infection? Kids can't explain what is wrong. I would check what he is eating/drinking and see if there are other influences effecting his behaviour. You could also read up on Sensory Processing Disorder. This is not autism, but autistic children have it.

Hey.. yes I understand where your coming from. He is going to have bloods for lactose.. he had all other tests at the hospital everything was normal.. the reason why I said autism is that he is seeing a therapist... I know he not autistic but the nursery have referred him to see a specialist so Im just going with the flow.. it's only because he was a little delayed with his speech and his spinning was a concern . They haven't diagnosied him as he still undergoing his assessment.

Diet wise he doesn't have alot of junk only on occasions. We been to the doctors in December he was a little constipated but that problem has been solved.

Influences? I didn't think of that I will keep an eye out for that one.

Thank you for your opinion I really appreciate it