Failing at potty training

[Beemommy]

DS is 3.2 years now and completely refusing to be potty trained. Nothing works with him and I am just starting giving up. I tried reading him potty books, talking, telling him all his cousins are already wearing big boys underwear, buying him cute underwear, putting him on potty. But he doesn’t want anything to do with it, he just screams and cries. I even let his younger sister go potty in front of him but he is just not interested at all.
He is just one stubborn boy so I am really running out of ideas what to do

This will work if there's no medical issue but before then you should check him out at the GP in case there's something wrong.

Try backing off for a while so he can de-stress.

Then do all your nappy changing in the bathroom and make matter of fact comments to him as you scrape his poo into the toilet that that's where poo goes. You can say, bye bye poo! Have fun in Pooland! (If you've read that story with him)

Have a desirable toy on a high shelf and make remarks as you walk past occasionally that it's for when he is a big boy.

After a while ask him each morning whether he wants to wear undies or nappies today and respect his choice.

The cogs should go around in his head and he may eventually choose. At the moment theres probably a battle of wills happening and he wants control over his body, and the only way he can do that is to refuse to use the potty.

I am pretty sure there is no medical issue just him being stubborn and scared of change. He perfectly knows the process of where poo goes and how as he has been watching his cousins and sister doing the same. He has also been washing his poop off in the toilet since he was about 1,5 year old(where we live this is a common practice and there is facilities for that in every single toilet).
When I tried to put the undies on he would just cry and take them off...every single time. So I stopped asking.
Me question is, would it work if I just take him nappy and tell him he became a big boy and there is no more nappies left for him? I am just thinking if I wait for him to decide it will take ages and I kind of need to do it by force

I think you'd have better success if he didn't have pressure put on him and it was his choice. You could try my idea for say 2 months and if he never shows any indication of choosing to be in undies then you'll have to make him (otherwise he can't go to school?)

I think your sons stubbornness is the reason that he isn’t potty trained, not because he isn’t able to. Trust me, he will get there and as frustrating as it is for you he isn’t the only 3 year old not potty trained and in my opinion trying to hard makes it worse. Maybe have a break from it and try again?

My eldest was toilet trained until 3.5. I tried over and over again and he didn’t get it for months on end until finally it clicked. I went for it during the Christmas holidays one year so we didn’t have to worry about pre school and nurseries. He finished for Christmas in nappies and went back fully dry in pants. It can really happen that quickly when they are finally ready! At the time I felt like he was the only child still but he wasn’t the first or
The last.

DD wasn’t early either. It was just after her third birthday that she finally got it (after months of trying). Again, I trained her during the holidays so we didn’t have to worry about pre school. She left for the summer fully in nappies, went back fully toilet trained!!

The school holidays and not having to go pre school really did help a lot.

He will get there in his own time...

I was told by a paediatrician that they don’t really intervene with potty training until 4 now.

Make it fun for him. Don’t pressure him. I think most children get to a point where it just ‘clicks’.

Good luck 😊

My son was a nightmare. He thought he would fall down the loo. Then he thought his insides would fall out of him, and down the loo with the poop. It took quite awhile to figure this out and no incentives etc worked. He watched his brother poop and he was obviously fine but it didn't stop him feeling that way! I wonder if your DS has a similar idea holding him back?

My friend had a similar problem and left it a few months and then one week (when she was off work) she just stopped putting a nappy on him and said they couldn’t go out because there were no nappies left. The first day he ran around naked and didn’t really care, but after a poo incident he started asking for the toilet and by day 2 he was walking up to her holding pants asking her to help him put them on.

She said it was rather messy, but the fact he was potty trained by the 3rd day and been dry ever since she said it was worth it.

My friend is very relaxed though, I don’t know if I’d be as calm as her!

Ok just wanted any fresh ideas on this one...as I am still failing big time...
As recommended by pp I have waited for the glorious day till he told me he wants to wear undies and so we did. He peed in the floor for the first 5 times but after that he totally got it and didn’t have any accidents.
The other problem is the poop. He just seems to be completely frightened of the idea of pooping on potty and every time it comes he just jumps up and holds it in. So after 2,5 days of non pooping I gave in and let him poop in the diaper as I was thinking if he gets constipated that will make things even worse. After that he is completely confused and had accidents on and off as he is not sure whether he is wearing a diaper or undies.
So I am stuck again and put the diaper back on as I don’t know what to do next...??
I have read on the internet all those “potty training in 3 days articles” but I guess it doesn’t apply to super stubborn kids??