Naughtyness

[Electroma]

Right.. might be a silly question but I am getting myself confused about right and wrong here..

If my DS does something naughty, like, throw something or whatever, I give him a stern word:

eg

DS throws something
me - DS, dont do that it is bad
DS does it again
me - Mummy said NO
DS does it again
me - if you do that again you will get a row
DS does it again
me - ???

At the moment, i am taking him aside and saying why it is bad, than saking him to say sorry. BUT HE NEVER SAYS SORRY!!! Then I end up giving him a cuddle anyway, and i think i am teaching him that he doesnt have to say sorry (and he repeatedly 'reoffends' IYKWIM)

What do i do?

He's 2.6 BTW, if it makes a difference

What does it mean to 'get a row'?

You've got a threat, it doesn't seem to mean anything, he's not responding to it. You can see why.

I have a 2.6 year old. If she was to throw something, i'd ask her not to, explain why. If she did it again i'd take the thing away, remove her from the situation and distract her with something else. I don't think theres much point in threatening with things that don't happen. If she's done something that's really destructive, like draw on walls - i'll get her to help me clean it, explain why i'm cross. If she was to do it again - i'd show i was cross by my tone of voice, and she'd sit on the bottom step. She's only had to sit on the step 3 times - always for doing something with full knowledge that i've asked her not to.

It is hard with this age - i definitely don't have the answers.

Get a row? Means to be told off..

That is kind of what i do.

Eg - he is not allowed a dummy, except for bed (am trying to get it off him at bedtimes but we're letting it go at the moment as he has unsettled nights due to the fact he lives half here, half with his dad)

anyway, when he picks up a dummy, i tell him he is not allowed it. Sometimes he puts it in his mouth, or pretends to. he does it with a cheeky look at me.

So i say no. he says 'i am only holding it' and i say thats fine, but NOT in your mouth. Then, he might put it in his mouth (not always). So i'll pull it out his mouth and then give him a row.

But he refuses to apologise.

Should i cuddle him anyway, to signal that mummy ia not cross anymore?

or no apology, no cuddle? then what?

Don't force him to apologise at his age it means nothing to him and if you try and force the issue then all you are doing is teaching him that saying sorry solves everything and you don't have to mean it. If and when he says sorry it should be becuase he IS sorry.

Yes give him a cuddle say what you need to say and it is over and done with give him a cuddle to show you are not cross and the moment has passed.

One thing though is if you are trying to get him off the dummy why is he able to reach it in the daytime?? That seems a bit unfair, it should probably be put somewhere out of his reach maybe in his bedroom when he wakes in the morning.

In those situations after a warning, I tell him if he does it again the object will be taken away. Or other situations I'll give him a warning then say he'll have to go on the steps for 2 mins. Say throwing food at the table, hitting his brother. "I said NO throwing / hitting" then ignore all screams & pleas when taking it away or being dumped on the step.

If I take the object away then I tell him when he can have it back if it's one of his toys. He's only 2 so confiscating for a whole day and they'll have forgotten all about it by then. I say something like after lunch, after get brother from school, after bath. The when it's returned tell him to remember not to throw.

I try not to make too much fuss or spend too much time telling him off because it's all negative attention. Found the best way for us is to deal with it swiftly and consistently. I show by the tone of my voice that I'm not impressed without going on to much.

Maybe think of a consequence if he does it again, then make sure you carry it out. At the moment your ultimate consequence is giving him a telling off. I think for many toddlers that's almost a reward as in negative attention.

Just make sure the consequence is something you can carry out and do straight away and don't mind doing. EG my husband if he's not thinking correctly threatens mine with bed. Bit of a problem if it's 2pm on a Saturday and we've arranged to go out The boys KNOW that's not going to happen.

I make my 6 year old apologize but not my 2 1/2 year old. Once the time out on stairs has finished then it's over and done with. He often apologizes off his own back but I don't push the point with him.

Thanks guys. I'll not push the 'sorry' thing then.

Re the dummy - there are LOADS lying around the house - he hides them in his toys and often brings it down stairs with him after his nap. He seems to find them even if i hide them. Or he goes and looks for one..

anyway, he is good and normally he'll bring the dummy to me 'look mummy, a dummy' and give it to me. So i dont really bother too much about hiding them all away from him.

I also dont do the naughty step thing, as i think he learns his lesson well enough without the 'time out'. I might do it when he's older..

Thanks though, i will stop hoping for hearfelt apologies for a few years!!