Anxious 5 yr old or something more?

[mumbrain37]

Hello

I'm looking for some advice re my 5yr old ds. I have always suspected there is something different about him but I'm unsure if its purely that he is anxious and lacks confidence or he falls somewhere on the spectrum?.

He met his milestones on the late end of normal. Crawling 13 months, walking 18 months, pointing by one. Speech was poor till 2yrs when he had a brilliant vocabulary and continues to be very articulate.

He has started school and the teachers have no concerns but he doesn't really mix well with the other children. He spends his playtime with the teachers as he has always prefered adult company. He was an only child untill 9 month ago.He now has a sister. I think he might think he is an adult sometimes. He has said things like "arent those children sweet" before refering
to his peers. its obvious to me when he is with his peers he is different. Seems anxious and unsure.

He is clingy and always has been.if we go to soft play or park or swimming he is only interested if i come and we pretend to be characters, no interest in running off and sliding down a slide unless it was part of a game he had created.

Limited interests. These are spongebob, halloween spooky stuff, gross facts, believe it or not facts. Playing with us.Would have us talk like spongebob characters all day if he could.

When we play he wants alot of control. .He will tell me what he wants me to say and what i can play with.

No interest in riding a bike, swimming, can't hop yet. Clumsy.Hates PE, very anxious about getting things wrong especially PE and psychical stuff.

If we go to a party he sits on my knee won't join in.Would rather sit with the adults,appears anxious.I think he just goes because he wants the party bag at the end.

Doesn't like louds noises, dark places, dogs, pigeons, anxious of new busy places. Doesn't like cinema, pantomines, concerts.scared of seaweed on the beach. i could go on.

If we go somewhere like the zoo will ask constantly what are we doing now? Are we going now? Can't relax.

Talks constantly unless watching a screen. Wants us with him always, watching him play, going to the toilet, watching eat etc.

If people visit especially grandparents he keeps on at them to play with him and can never entertain himself. If he is with his cousins he is very excitable but can't relax. Is always asking them to play but then stopping the game and starting again. Asking them questions constantly, clinging to them, just very in intense all the time.

I love him to bits, he is sweet and affectionate.I just want him to feel good about himself and not be scared by life.

What do people think? Is his behaviour within a normal range for a 5 yr old? Does anyone recognise their child from these descriptions? Any observations or advice would be greatly appreciated ?

Hi OP - there are a few things from your post that jump out. Obviously you couldn’t say for definite, but there would no harm to look into it further.

Things that stood out: the focus on a few special interests (this is very common for people on the spectrum). His need for control when playing with you and his cousins. If you are on the spectrum the world can seem very unpredictable and confusing, and using routine and sameness is a way to alleviate it, you know what is going to happen then. The constant questions at the zoo would point to this as well.

His dislike of loud noises, busy and dark places etc indicates sensory sensitivity. It isn’t in the diagnostic criteria, but most people would have some sensory issues. It is a major issue for my DS.

Movement difficulties are common as well, so not wanting to hop, ride a bike or swim may be due to motor planning and co-ordination issues.

Only spending playtime with teachers at school and the way you describe him playing with his cousins (stopping and restarting the game, the questions) could indicate that the rules for social interaction are confusing for him.

The biggest though was when you said its obvious to me when he is with his peers he is different. You know him best and I think you need to trust your instincts. Compile a list of concerns and make an appointment with your GP. They should be able to refer you for assessment.

Unfortunately, it is not unusual for school not to see any issues, unless a child is behind academically or has behavioural problems. Generally they don’t have the experience. I still remember having a meeting with the Manager at DS’s nursery and her confidently telling me that he just hadn’t spent enough time with other children, when in fact he had already had his initial assessment and been referred to the specialist teachers (she knew this too ).

Thank you so much for your feedback. It's been really helpful, I'm going to book a GP appointment to discuss my concerns.