3 year old arrogant!!!

[Chunk9]

My lovely 3 year old son has suddenly developed an arrogance. When I tell him off I get answers such as “er mommy- don’t shout” “don’t talk to me like that” “say please” . It’s infuriating! I put him in the naughty corner, then explain to him why he was in the wrong. But i can’t seem to get him to understand- it’s ok for me to talk to him with authority but he shouldn’t to me. I was very aware I was becoming one of those “shouty moms” and soon nipped it in the bud. But he still seems appalled if I dare to speak to him with any authority!!! Help!!!!! Suggestions?

No, he is not being arrogant, he is mimicking your behaviour! And so putting him in a naughty corner gives a rather stupid and very confusing message. At this age "speaking with authority" is rarely a good idea or the best way to get toddlers behaving. It is n more around maneuvering things to make the right behaviour easy and avoiding setting him up to fail. And yes you should be saying please. He will learn best by copying your good example. You have taught him your bad example. This demonstrates perfectly how he sees the world. Show him how you want him to be, not tell him with authority. Help him, don't wait for him to get it wrong and then correct him. He sounds a smart cookie

I do say please. That’s why his manners are so good. He just says it to answer back. I’m on here to ask advice, any is welcome. Thanks for the input

Well he is right that you shouldn't shout and you should say please!

He's not being arrogant, that's a concept he can't possibly understand. Confusedbeetle is right that he is going through a totally normal stage of copying what you're saying. He's trying to establish the rules and what's expected.

Have you read "How to Talk so kids will listen..."? It's got lots of useful ideas and doesn't require the "naughty" step concept.

Yes I get that, I’m
Just trying to work out how to deal with it. I understand him mimicking because as far as he’s concerned he can speak to me
However I speak to him. I’m just trying to work it how best to communicate to get him to do what he needs to. No I’ve not read it, I’ll
Definitely have a look though, thanks for the recommendation

I'm going through this at the minute, although my dd is much older, she is 11 but has developmental delay. When she does it I tell her that I am the parent and she should not tell me what to do, she'll stop eventually as this makes sense to her as will your ds just keep reminding him who the adult is. I don't think that the behaviour requires punishment necessarily you just have to keep reminding him it isn't appropriate and that you don't like it.

You need to bite your tongue sometimes to end the argument.

You: Don't throw toys near the cat!
Him: Don't talk to me like that Mummy.
You: I am an adult so can talk like this!
Him: Don't shout!
You: I can shout because I'm an adult.
And it goes on and on.

What you need to do is
You: Don't throw toys near the cat!
Him: Don't talk to me like that mummy.
You: (take his hand and sit him on the naughty spot) Hurting the cat is not good. Please sit here for 3 mins.
Him: Don't shout!
You: (Ignore but 🤬 in your head)

Kids quickly tune you out so dealing with it fast is the key. You want to punish him for the cat action and not get into who has the last word. He'll get used to adults being in charge through pre-school, school etc and his peers will if he says stuff like that to them. At pre-school etc he'll see other kids listen to adults reminding them of the rules and quickly fall in line for the teacher

It’s uncomfortable when we have our own behaviour mirrored back to us isn’t it?!

I don’t think I ever worried about it too much though, as it’s just a phase, not a character flaw, and certainly not a sign of arrogance!

I think I just laughed a little to myself or met eyes with another adult and smiled a bit, then distracted ds, ot said something like ‘yes that’s right, we use indoor voices inside’ or ‘yes, let’s all remember to say please!’

And if he’s going beyond just copying your own instructions, or doing something like refusing to talk to you, I’d say ‘now, now cheeky’ and give him a tickle to make him laugh and change the mood/subject.

Honestly, it’s not worth taking so personally, or getting into some kind of nuclear missile stand off with a toddler who just cannot understand the nuances of human behaviour yet.

My 3 year old daughter is just like this ! I try to tell her but she just don't listen

Thanks for the replies. I actually tried taking a different tact yesterday, calmed myself down, and it was a much better day. I also have to remember I’m 8 months pregnant and working and neither of those are his fault when I’m trying to rush him etc. It’s all a learning curve!!! He has his off days like we all do I suppose! Need to remember his mood can feed off mine!

Sounds like he has great communication skills. You need to chill out and respect your son. You're acting like a bratty child. You lead by example. Btw naughty corners don't work and only have negative effects. If he's telling you to say please and not to shout you should probably listen.

I came on here asking for advice. I would rather helpful advice than be referred to as a “bratty child” . I respect my child greatly and try different methods when things aren’t working, for example the naughty corner which works for every other time he misbehaves. I don’t shout at him, and I do say please, saying these things are just his latest reactions when I attempt to ask him to do something. I’m the
First to admit when I’m in the wrong and have posted this evening to say I’ve decided i need to take a more relaxed approach with him.