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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

first toddler 'anxieties' and how to deal with them

14 replies

twick · 05/09/2004 20:26

I'm sorry, I seem to be creating a lot of threads at the moment but I'm slightly unsure what to do with my lovely little dd at the moment who is definitely not her usual self. There's a problem with going to sleep which I've got a thread about on the sleep board but I'm wondering if other things are perhaps the cause of her sleep problem.

She seems for the first time to be becoming really quite afraid by certain things, especially noises. If there's an unfamiliar sound in the day she literally leaps onto me, hides her head and eyes, freezes still, then shakes. Sometimes she really cries and keeps saying 'don't like it'. I think this fear of noises started her sleep problem as it coincided with a neighbour doing diy at her bedtime and she was totally freaked out by the banging and drilling sounds coming through the walls. Now just the slightest little bump in her room at bedtime and she's standing up calling for me to come to her and then she says things like 'no men with hammers mummy. No door banging. No giants, no kings, no windows.' And I have to go through a list of things that aren't here and can't hurt her. It's taking a long time for her to go to sleep.

What's the best thing to do? When or did your kids get this kind of fear and was it a short or long phase?

I have a mum friend who's much 'harder' than me and she says that my dd is 'trying it on' to get me to go to her and I can see how that would work but it's my complete gut instinct that dd isn't doing that. I really do think she's genuinly worried.

I'd really appreciate some wise mumsnet advice.

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Original poster

twick · 05/09/2004 21:04

bumpy bumpy bumpy bump bump bump

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melsy · 05/09/2004 21:56

my dd is only 11mths but I wnated to pick up on your comment about going with gut feel . If you feel she needs you then go to her.Please dont compare yourself to "much harderr" mums. Im in no authority to pass on advice to you , how old is dd ?? I spent to many agonsing and painfully stressfull months listening to how I "should" mother/ parentrather than doing what was right for me and dd. My gut feel is that your comforting and cuddling her and telling her that shes safe and ok is the best you can do , may be explaning that your there when she needs you, but bed and sleep really is a lovely place to be.Is there any nice music you can put on for her to sooth her whislt the work is going on next door ?? and so what if her crys or calls are getting you to go to her, you cant be doing wrong by showing her you love her and shes safe that youll be there for her.Its not spoiling a child by loving them , especially as i dont see this as really naughty behaviour. I just have a very vivid memory of crying at night as a young child and it taking ages before anyone came , it used to be very upsetting.

purplemum · 05/09/2004 23:35

Do you have another bedroom you could put her in. I 've heard before that even moving bedrooms around can stop sleeping problems. Ask her where she would like her bed and let her help you move around. see if that works. Sorry if you've alredy tried this. Hth and good luck

Original poster

twick · 06/09/2004 10:01

melsy, dd's 23 months, nearly 2!!! I do agree with you that one has to follow one's gut instinct but at the same time I'm never sure that my way of dealing with the problems that come up is the best way. I don't want to compound her fears rather than ease them away.

purplemum, alas, we're in a flat and we can't move her room. We have made a lot of changes in it though and put up some transfers on the wall, some nice lights and a lovely Noddy poster.

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Original poster

twick · 06/09/2004 17:00

Any more takers?

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Original poster

twick · 07/09/2004 20:33

No?

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enid · 07/09/2004 20:39

bless her, poor little thing. She sounds so sweet. Kings and windows! dd2 is about the same age and I think they really start to 'know fear' about now. I would reassure her all you can, completely give in to her, and pander to it all you can. She WILL get through it and the more you can be there for her the happier she will be. It doesn't take a giant leap of imagination to see that the drilling etc probably started all this. If its any help, dd1 used to be terrified of tractors as one ploughed the field next to the house in the dark once - lots of loud noise and scary headlights - she was a wreck for months!

Give her lots of cuddles and show her that you are there for her. Ignore your friend even though she probably means well.

hovely · 07/09/2004 20:47

hi twick, my dd is a bit older, she's 3 in November, but she has just started sying there are 'monsters' in her room and is getting some sleep problems, more with waking up in the night than going to sleep. I agree that if you feel she is truly anxious you should go to her. A little girl that young can't really conceal it when she is trying it on, as they all do a bit IMHO!
Can she have a special toy who protects her at night? There was a good thread about monsters recently, I'll see if I can find it, but generally i reckon that fears are very real to children this age. having said that,it is also very easy to get into a habit of reacting a certain way and so perpetuating a pattern of behaviour. maybe you could decide on a bedtime routine which is a bit shorter but which covers all the fears and soothes her. I really feel it's a mistake to deny that her fear is genuine, it's so hard for them to express anything abstract anyway, but equally you need to be in control of how you both deal with it.

hovely · 07/09/2004 20:48

monsters thread is here

Original poster

twick · 07/09/2004 21:11

thanks guys. I'll check out that 'monsters' thread.

enid, dd is scared of tractors too, just from a fairly harmless appearance of a tractor in one of her books!

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enid · 07/09/2004 21:14

dd1 had/has lots of worries. She's nearly 5 now. I spend A LOT of time just chatting to her and she likes to draw things that shes worried about too (this really helps BTW). So it may be that your dd is a natural worrier - lots of reassurance needed and she'll learn to cope as she gets older.

Original poster

twick · 08/09/2004 12:35

Thanks enid. That's what I'm trying to do, reassurance. She's a bit young to draw what she's scared of just yet but I'll remember that for when she's a bit older!

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enid · 08/09/2004 19:17

how was she last night?

prefernot · 08/09/2004 22:02

My dd's also 23 months and is also a very anxious little soul. Every night when I put her to bed I have to say time and again that there's no 'scary things' in her bed, just her and 'Wolfy' (fave toy she sleeps with). She's like a nervous wreck at every strange noise and has even been getting upset that it's so windy. I keep wondering if I've caused this in some way as I do tend to be a bit of a worrier myself.

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