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Need behaviour advice for youngest child please!!

7 replies

Laurarcj · 22/01/2019 10:58

Hi,

Please bear with me, this may be a bit of a long one. I’ve never asked advice before but I’m finding a definite lack of support at the moment.

My youngest, who is 6 has been referred to the community Peadatrician by our GP. The school recommended I take him in to discuss his behaviour. I’d really like some advice from people who have possibly been in a similar situation with similar behaviours and really what goes on at a community Peadatric appointment. I know he’s different and he’s really struggling at the moment and the worse thing I did was google it.

He has been suspended from school 4 times in the past year. He really struggles in the classroom and will just run out and climb fences etc. He’s told me there is to many children in the classroom and he doesn’t ‘feel’ anything he just wants to be out of there. This has resulted in him not intergrating in the classroom and is way behind his peers. He loves colouring in and is a great problem solver but will not even attempt reading.

Even at family events where there is a room full of people he will keep away. At my brothers wedding he spent the majority of the time under the table. Even birthday parties he will spend the entire time with the parents.

He never wants any comfort either, if he’s hurt himself he takes himself off and hits out if I or anyone else try’s to comfort him. I manage this well at home but it’s not so well managed at school. Also if he’s forced into doing something he will also hit out and become quite violent. Even as a baby he wasn’t cuddly and had failure to thrive. He is just in the healthy weight range now but he’s very active.

He also has an obsession with balls- footballs, basketballs, baseballs literally all types of balls. He sleeps with one and has a shelf made in his bedroom specifically for balls. He has been obsessed with them since he was around 6 months old. We went away for the weekend and didn’t bring one which resulted in a huge meltdown and we had to go and get a ball.

He doesn’t pick up on social cues either. He can’t distinguish when someone is joking or being serious. I have to pull him aside and speak very directly to him. He’s also quite direct and can be quite rude sometimes. He talks about killing himself to go and see granny in heaven and I genuinely don’t think he gets it, I’d put it down to age but he will continue to talk about killing himself or that he wants to die on a daily basis.

He’s also said he wants to set fire to things, like when he grows up he wants to buy a house and then burn it down to watch the fire.

He does make eye contact and will continually do staring contests. He’s happy to give me a hug and a kiss and is loving when he wants to be. He also doesn’t know his own strength, he high 5’s people (including strangers) and they really hurt.

He is also obsessed with bums and talks about it all the time no matter how many times I’ve told him how inappropriate it is.

There is so much more but I’d be here forever, i just don’t know if I’m making a mountain out of a molehill or if I’m right about being concerned about his behaviour. Ask any advice on his appointment at Peadatrics would be great.

So sorry about the mammoth post, it’s the first time I’ve reached out.

OP posts:
lovely36 · 22/01/2019 12:18

Hi. I don't have a child with something like this however I'm a nursery teacher and have had children like this in my school. I'm no doctor and the first thing my professors told me in uni was to never diagnose a child unless you're a doctor. But possibly maybe it sounds like it's definitely something. Maybe autism. Again I'm not a doctor but only from what you've said and described. could be something else. Does he have sensitive sensory? Like so loud noises, bright lights or anything like that bother him? Maybe he gets weirded out with how things feel like food etc?

Laurarcj · 22/01/2019 12:41

We thought it was loud noises that he didn’t like however, it’s more the crowded spaces he can’t deal with. He’s really really good with his food however, he put vinegar on almost everything. I haven’t noticed him being fussy with food. The meltdowns aren’t common place at home but we have tailored our lives around him and he has a lot of freedom at home.
This is the thing I’ve looked online and he kind of ‘fits’ certain diagnosis’ but I am not a professional. I just want to be sort of prepared for what may happen if that makes sense. Thanks so much for your response xx

OP posts:
AladdinMum · 22/01/2019 13:28

It is very likely that the peadatrician will refer you to a development peadatrician as a general peadatrician doesn't really have the skill set to deal with this. They will ask you about his early development (0-2Y), about whether he met his communication/social milestones in time (pointing to share by 18M, showing/giving you items of interest by 18M, eye contact with communicative intent, social referencing, motivation to want to interact with other infants, appropriate use of toys, imagination skills, etc).

From your short description your son does present quite a few markers for autism (aversion to large crowds/noise/chaos, aversion to wanting to be touched/cuddled or only on his terms, social communication deficits, narrow interests/obsessions, meltdowns, etc.). If he puts vinegar on everything he eats that could be classified as ritualistic behaviour just like obsessions. Staring contests would not classify as eye contact as they serve no communicative purpose.

He may also have some classic stimming behaviours like excessive spinning of objects, wheels, himself, lining up or stacking objects, crashing into sofas or objects, toe walking, hand flapping, not playing appropriately with toys, echolalia, etc.

Autism is a spectrum so not all signs will be present, some will come and go through the years or not appear at all, it's more of an overall picture of his strengths/deficits in his social communication and interaction. If diagnosed (and I am not saying that it's autism) then he is clearly high functioning and with some behaviour therapy and coping techniques he will have a very bright future ahead :)

lovely36 · 22/01/2019 14:04

Well op whatever they say, it sounds like you're doing a great job. A concerned, loving mom, he's very lucky and regardless of whatever obstacles he may have to conquer he will get through it with a mom like you. Just a little patience and lots of love is all our kids want.

jessstan2 · 22/01/2019 14:11

Bless his little heart. I agree with others here that he does show some signs of being on the autistic spectrum but he is so young and it doesn't seem fair to label him at the moment; he could be quite different in time.

Have a look at the Montessori methods of teaching and see if there are any Montessori schools near to you (& if funding is available). If I had my kids time over again I would definitely choose them for many reasons.

100% agree with what lovely36 said above.

All the best, try not to worry too much Flowers.

lovely36 · 22/01/2019 14:17

@jessstan2 I'm a Montessori teacher! And I love that you acknowledge how great a Montessori environment is. Yes, he would probably thrive there as we focus on order, grace, and it's such a beautiful and calm environment. No loud, flashy colours all over the walls or kids running around wild. Would be a really great place for him.

jessstan2 · 22/01/2019 14:59

Lovely36, I wish I had sent my son to one when he little, the nearest one to me was Blackheath but now there are a couple locally. My son displayed some of the characteristics of Lauracj's son but without tantrums or meltdowns, he was deemed a bit 'eccentric' and would become obsessive about ideas, staying up late and working things out.

Montessori teaching would have been good for him. Bit late now, hee hee. We got through school and, though I say it myself, his dad and I were empathetic and let him lead us. We must have done something right because he's 39 and has been a successful professional musician for many years.

However I can feel how worried the op is.

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