Potty deadlock, 3.8yr old - please help me!!

[DiddyLongLegs]

Hi all. Frequent reader of this forum but first time poster - I'm desperate for help so if anyone has had a similar experience please tell me what to try! We potty trained our (then 3yr 2 month) son in September using usual tricks of stickers, chocolate buttons etc - no problems with wee at all and was going without reminders after a couple of days. Could count on one hand the number of wet accidents since. No.2s however is a different story - it's now 5 months on and he still soils his pants every. single. day.

I have tried everything I can think of - endless patience, encouragement, sticker charts, treats, toys, extravagant bribery - NOTHING WORKS. I do believe he can control his bowels, as when he goes he will go off into another room or squat under the table. At nursery he goes off into a corner. If we catch him starting to do this we try to encourage him on to the potty or toilet but he physically resists, kicking and screaming if we try to move him.

Conversations with him don't yield any results - he repeats back to me that poos go in potty or toilet but when I tell him to go he just says no. He doesn't engage at all if I ask him why he does it, he ignores me or just says what I say back to me. Nursery sat they have also tried everything they can think of and have encouraged us to see a GP.

I have spoken to health visitor but tbh they have no more useful advice than using sticker charts... I feel we're well past that!

I'm really starting to lose patience and goodwill - I'm getting annoyed when cleaning him up now and I'm ending up shouting /showing him I'm upset, which I worry will make it worse (but I can't help it it's so frustrating and I feel like he's choosing to do this). Please help I'm at the end of my tether! I've told him today he's not allowed to watch TV tonight because he pood his pants (which sounds awful and really negative to punish him for it, but I just need something to work now). Surely time outs/naughty step for soiling isn't a positive way to deal with it? Please help!!

Bump for evening MNers! Anyone any experience with this?!

Sounds tough. Didn't want to read and run as you haven't had replied but I don't really have any useful advice!

My DD was similar (but younger). It took her ages to get the poos. She had problems with constipation as well so I think it might have been why poos were a big deal. I think she just did it one day and we never looked back after that. Once she got it she has never had a poo accident.

She has had a few annoying we accidents though (think restaurant of a 5* hotel nearly a year after being potty trained!!) I threatened her with having to wear a nappy like a baby which might be a bit harsh but we've not had an accident since!

Good luck though it's stressful. Got a nearly 2 year old so it will all start again soon!

Thank you - it's good to know we're not alone! I'm sitting here feeling awful about being harsh with him yesterday and resolving to be more patient and positive today, it's just so hard when he's now almost school age, I just want it to be better for him!

I have a 3 year 6 mth daughter who has lots of wee accidents, there's no two days the same but lately she has been getting better but that's down to a bit of bribery. She's dry on a night but not during the day every day. We have good days & bad days but when she wets I find it very very frustrating as she's been in pants a year and a half! She knows what to do but either leaves it too late and is lazy and carries on playing. My other two children were so much quicker but my 3rd child is very slow to be dry. We're reminding her often saying "are you still dry?", "do you need the toilet?" But sometimes she really needs it but says the opposite. She does get anxiety at preschool which has a big impact but at home I've no idea why she doesn't want to be dry all the time. It's like fighting a losing battle.

You must be incredibly frustrated like me, you run out of things to suggest and the professionals dont seem to have a clue which is even more annoying. Xx

I’m so sorry OP that I don’t have any good advice for you but watching with interest as tried potty training DD a few months ago (when she was about 2.6 yrs) and she sort of got wees but poo was an absolute no no and she did (and still does) ALL the things you describe. She knows how to control. She knows and tells me that poo goes in the toilet. But when I try and suggest going to the toilet she says no thank you. Cannot say why and refuses to engage on it. She has had issues with constipation which may be a factor. I have tried the “just put her on the toilet” idea but she too physically kicks and fights so that’s not going to work... It’s now become A Thing. So stressful. I genuinely feel your pain. Anyway, because of all this, we gave up and decided to have another go when she turns 3 (couple of months). I already have anxiety about it as she is hugely resistant to the idea. 😩😩😩 Everyone says “they’ll do it when they’re ready”. I feel like saying all of them except my child!!!!

This seems really common - I don't know anyone in real life who has experienced this so I'm relieved - I've been feeling like a massive failure Sorry for the other posters struggling with this - it does feel a bit like life is on hold until we get it sorted out! Bumbobaggins your child sounds so similar to mine - even the lovely manners refusing to go (no thank you very much mummy I don't want to) which does make me laugh a bit . I wonder if there's anyone who will come on the thread and tell us their DC were like this and that it eventually worked out?

Have a look at Poo Goes to Pooland - available as both an App and a booklet. It’s an NHS resource material.

Also the ERIC charity has a helpline you could contact for advice.

You should go to the GP and rule out problems like constipation or encoporesis.