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Behaviour/development

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5yo temper driving us crazy

3 replies

Nodrama999 · 12/01/2019 17:44

Our recently turned 5 year old has a terrible temper. She has always stood up to her demands and when she is better behaved give her choices. However, more recently they have been so bad. She is currently in her room throwing things around and banging on doors, walls and furniture and screaming. The reason why she is there because she snatched her brother car from him (it was his birthday yesterday - so his new car from granddad) when I asked her to give it back she wouldn’t and said he will just have to play with something else. Took it from her, told her to go and sit to one side for a minute, she refused and so I said the step etc etc anyway it escalated to her being in her room for screaming and throwing a tantrum.
We’ve had similar things almost every night recently, yesterday I told her if she doesn’t behave today then she can’t go to the birthday party tomorrow. I’ve cancelled that (paying for her place) we’ve just got to the point that we don’t know where else to go? What to do to try and control this screaming little madam!

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Goldmandra · 12/01/2019 21:21

Try think more about how you can help her than how you can control her. What you've described sounds like it may be a meltdown, rather than a tantrum. A meltdown is a loss of control as a result of overwhelming emotions, anxiety, exhaustion, overload, etc. It isn't driven by the need to get someone to do what they want.

Try to identify whether there is a pattern to this behaviour. Whether it happens at the same time of day, when she's been in an unfamiliar place, around a lot of people, when the routine has changed or is unpredictable, more on school nights, and so on.

Also, talk to her about the emotions she is experiencing and your own so she has a way to recognise them for herself, e.g. "I can see you were upset that I made you give back your brother's car and that has made you angry."

Always wait until she is properly calm, preferably after a few hours or the next day, then ask her to help tidy up the mess she has made and help fix anything she has broken. It isn't a punishment; just a way to help her be aware of the consequences of her actions and to make amends. She may already feel remorse for the upset and damage she has caused when she had lost control.

Cadburylover · 22/01/2019 22:04

I’ve started to experience the same thing with my nearly 5 yr old. She used to be really good, but the explosions at the moment are huge. Seem to be more frustration rather than tantrum. So I’m with you! Good luck.

Di11y · 24/01/2019 22:45

military wife and mom has some good tips on connecting. my 4yo dd is terrible, the tips have helped a bit.

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