Slow, slow, slow eater

[Carouselfish]

DD 3.5, is a torturously slow eater to the point dinner takes an hour and a half with my help. I often cave and spoon feed her because if I didn't, it would take longer and she wouldn't eat half the amount she does which is really only just about enough.
She forgets the food is in her mouth a lot of the time and just holds it there, not chewing! Nursery have mentioned she doesn't really eat at lunch time, probably because they only have half an hour!
Should I just be not helping at all? It's hard to sit there and not be irritated especially as I can't give her forever to eat as I have to work after she's in bed. I'm always trying to get weight on her as she's doesn't really have anything to spare and if she has a cold or something and goes off her food properly she's just a wisp!
Any tips? Reassurances it's a phase? I know someone who spoonfeeds their six year old for the same reasons and don't want to be them!

My DD1 is also 3 and a half and terrible eater... especially the evenings! There is about a 5 meal rotation of what she will ‘tolerate’ - she would eat marmite on toast for every meal if she could!
She takes foreverrr... if I let her it would be going on an hour too. If nursery only let her have half hour - do the same. I give her half hour now and if it’s not finished or she’s not eaten a ‘good amount’ it’s in the bin and that’s it, no yoghurt, fruit or anything else. I sometimes put food on the spoon/fork for her to get her going if she’s kicking a fuss but I never actually ‘feed her’, mind you I do have a 10 month old as well who I am ‘feeding/assisting’. She’s been like this for nearly a year, causes me to the point of tears sometimes the amount of food I throw away. I used to put her in the naughty corner if she refused to even try her food but she started wanting to go there so she didn’t have to eat haha! Kids! Apparently I’ve heard they get better once they’re at school!?!

Sorry so I have no advice as such! Just reassurance others are in the same boat! Xxx

My DD is only 3 months but I’m struggling getting milk into her, and she’s has dropped twice on the weight chart. So I’m not at your stage yet and can’t relate entirely, I do know how anxiety provoking feeding is. (I’m telling myself it’s just a phase and wont be forever).
I don’t know if you like to read or have time for non fiction but a while ago I started reading a book called First Bite by Bee Wilson about how children eat. In it she says the only power children have is to accept or reject food. She also describes a system called Tiny Tastes where you get your LO to have tiny bits of foods they won’t usually eat and have a chart with non-food rewards when they reach certain milestones (like eat a whole carrot/sprout etc). She also talks about peer eating (younger kinds are older kids eating and makes them eat more/better). I didn’t finished it so I don’t know if she covers slow eating, but it was a dead interesting insight into how children eat, I intend to finish it before my DD is toddling about. It might be helpful to look it up...!?. The author is a journalist so it’s well researched and she writes well.
I’m sure it’s just a phase and she’ll be out of it soon (like my LO too will soon or I’ll get my head around it anyway). Sounds like you are doing an amazing job xxxx

I spoon feed my 7 year old his dinner as otherwise he wouldn’t eat it or it woudl take about 2 hours! I don’t care as I get healthy food into him this way everyday - and he’s well able to use a spoon to feed himself breakfast. Do whatever makes life easier.