Very hyperactive and difficult, easily bored but also overstimulated 4 month old

[NinaLucy]

Hello,
Im am in need of a little bit of support. Its my first time posting on this forum. I feel soo lonely. I was looking forward to having my gorgeous baby boy so much but he appeared to be a nightmare. He is 4 months old now. He is not like other kids. I cannot take him to ANY baby groups. He is okay for 5 minutes looking around and then gets bored and starts crying. I either have to try to entairtain him by making silly faces, chatting to him animately which works for another 5 minutes or pick him up and walk around with him (also works for 5 minutes) while all the other mums sit there with their babies happily lying or sitting on their laps. My son is sooo hyperactive. Even at home as soon as he wakes up he starts kicking around and breathe vary fast, gets overexcited, his arms flap and shake most of the time. He is okay in one place for 5 minutes then I have to change the room, constantly switch him between his baby gym, mobile, jumperoo, me singing, making sillly face etc. I dont mind all of that but I feel so lonely stuck at home. I wish we could do a baby group without him kicking off in 5 to 10 minutes. Even if he did manage a bit longer I could not have any chat with other mums as constantly need to really engage with him. He will not play with toys and generally he is a bit behind other kids but gp and health visitor not concerned at this stage yet! He also fights his daytime naps and gets into hysterics before each nap! I made it my mission to make sure he gets enough sleep as otherwise he is unconsolable. He also started shaking his head in his sleep and as he falls asleep all the time and is very unsettled at nights kicking his legs, shaking head from side to side etc. It all scares me and I feel really lonely :( even talking him for walks does not work sometimes as he will grizzle and cry.
Anyone in a similar situation? I hope he will change one day as it is getting me down...

This sounds a lot like my boy at this age. All I can say is that it should hopefully start getting easier soonish... once your little one starts using his hands more he'll be able to play with toys a bit more, and he will start getting more and more mobile and interactive with the world around him too. My little one is 7 months now and I used to feel exactly like you at baby groups, so jealous of babies who just lay there contentedly. However, nowadays he gets what is going on so much more, loves sitting up and rolling over too. Baby groups are great for him now. At home I still have to constantly entertain him and take him to different bits of the house with his toys though... hoping this will get better when he crawls.

You sound like you're doing a great job. Some babies are harder than others. Hang on in there and take it a day at a time. Also, does baby take a dummy? That helped me so much in terms of naps/sleep and if he was fussy in the pram. At around 4 months my baby used to cry before every nap too, it did get better by around 5 months, and nowadays he mostly goes down without any fuss. Still has a meltdown if he gets overtired though, always have to base my day around when I know he'll need a sleep... baby groups if he's tired are a no go. Kicking legs and shaking head is actually probably self soothing behaviour to help himself sleep. Hope this helps, it will get better!

It will definitely get better. My DS was pretty much like this and as a teen, he’s really quite chilled.

I’m just wondering if you’ve tried a sling? I know it’s a bit of a MN cliche but it really helped us. The closeness seemed to soothe them.

I agree that the head movement just sounds like self soothing

If you are struggling with getting him to nap and sleep, have you tried swaddling? It was the only way my DN would sleep at all. We found the No Cry Sleep Solution helpful too.

My DS was identical! In fact I felt quite emotional reading your post as I found that period exceptionally hard and started isolating myself as a result. Looking back that wasn’t the best thing to do.

My son was described as “super alert” by a health professional, physiologically very ‘aroused’ by his environment (eyes darting, rapid breathing) and emotionally all over the place. It got significantly better around 6/7 months when he started sitting on his own and crawling. The transformation was astonishing actually.

He is a very active, very busy and easily over stimulated 13 month now but much happier, less irritable and very happy. Still doesn’t sleep well but that’s another story.

Hang on in there, things change constantly at that age x

Oh and the head shaking thing is definitely a self soothing strategy! My DS did that for months. He sometimes does it now when he’s teething too.

Exactly like my son. When he was two months old he would try to sit up!! I was like wtf is going on?! And he was constantly kickingZ began rolling himself over at about 3 months. Started sitting at 4. Began crawling everywhere at 6. It was crazy! I think my advice is just accept hat your son is the way he is. Embrace it and love him for who he is. Your son is active, and maybe a little grumpier than other babies but that's him. And you should love him exactly as he is and not wish he was different. I know it's tiring as I went through it too. But now my son is 17 months and he is so smart. He knows all his shapes, animals, colours, numbers, and is almost speaking in sentences. So just hang in there a few more months.. it gets way way easier!

Thank you everyone for your reassurance and kind words. Pleasantlyneurotic my son does sound like your son with the rapid breating ... darting eyes ... hands shaking etc... i just feel so lonely stuck at home but thats where its easiest to keep him happy as there are various rooms and play stations set up for him ... so I can change to sth different quickly. I tried the swing but again he gets into hysterics when I put him in there.

If staying at home is working for you and him then do it lovely. Right now you have to prioritise both your needs. I think looking back it wasn’t the best idea for me as compounded my low mood and huge anxiety (which is retrospect was not just due to managing a more challenging baby but also dreadful sleep deprivation) but we are all different. I am naturally introverted though so staying home came pretty naturally :)

Those early months were an endurance test but I can’t tell you how different things are. I am certain things will get easier for you x

Oh my goodness your son sounds EXACTLY like mine, even the head shaking when in bed! He is soooooo active and hard to manage when out and about (and in the house too, to be honest!). I find he's much easier to manage if he's had enough naps (which, like yours, he resists for all he's worth) so I make that my priority each day. My son is 3 months old. Have you tried a dummy? I always said I wouldn't use one but actually it really calms him down. I don't give him it often, but sometimes he works himself almost into a frenzy and just needs a breather! Hopefully they'll be able to burn off this energy when they're more mobile!!

Sounds just like my 4month son too, right down to the head shaking at night. It drives me mad as he's almost asleep and then starts rubbing his face over and over again on the mattress, or me, and wakes himself up. This happens over and over again!

I know what you mean about not wanting to go out as it's stressful when they are fussy and crying, especially when you feel everyone else's babies sit there calmly. I can never just sit with my boy, I have to be walking aroud with him all the time! He won't even settle in a pram anymore so i have to use a sling all the time when I'm out now. Annoyingly he won't settle in the sling in the house though.

He is so hard to get to sleep. I'm stuck feeding to sleep atm as it's the only way to ensure he gets enough sleep. I spend a lot of my day trapped on the sofa.

@NinaLucy sorry this is old thread, my 3.5 boy is exactly the same. How is your little one now? X