Parent's evening - apparently my dd (6.5) is immature - how can I help her mature ?

[LucyLamb]

Well - went to parents evening last night - all fine except that her lovely teacher described a child that I do not recognise. This child would not say boo to a goose, let alone speak to a teacher ! The one I have at home is a non-stop chatterbox, interrupter, noisy shouty thing who happily chats with strangers who come to the door ! Loves being the centre of attention etc.

My main problem at home is her temper tantrums - she explodes when asked to do anything that interrupts what she wants to do - playing schools, watching TV etc.

So - chatting to teacher about that she said that she felt dd would grow into herself next year (Y2) and that a lot of these issues were about immaturity !

I have been reading so many behaviour books lateley I just don't know if I am coming or going ! The "Explosive Child" seems to fit her well - where she simply cannot cope with the frustration she feels and goes into a tantrum. This kind of ties in with a bit of immaturity maybe ?

She is also a bit of a dolly daydream - quite often in her own little world and not really paying attention etc. Teacher was a bit concerned about this as she often misses instructions and is left sitting on the mat when the others have all gone off to get their shoes or whatever.

Does anyone else have a child like this and have any strategies to help me help her?

No experience yet (apart from the fact that I think ds, who started reception in january, is a bit immature for this school thing), bumping for you. I seem to remember that I used to "grow up" and mature a lot over the summer holidays...

She sounds normal to me. I'm not sure what it is you are asking. Surely maturing is down to the passage of time. As she gets older she'll become more mature.

I'm just asking if anyone else has a child like this ? and if they could give me any tips !

Anyone ?

My dd was often described as a dreamer at infant school - she just grew out of it.

Re the temper tantrums at home - can you give her a bit of warning when you want her to do something?
Eg, you can have half an hour's play, then we'll have tidy up/get shoes on and go to the shops/whatever.

She sounds very like my seven-year-old who is gradually growing out of this behaviour - I have developed no strategies beyond rolling my eyes and hoping she will grow out if it, but if it is any help the tantrums are getting fewer and farther between.
One thing she has done is join Brownies and I think that has made her more helpful and responsible, she really thinks about her good deed a day thing which makes her nicer to be around.
Do not worry, I am sure the teacher is right - Year Two is a big growing up year.

The other thing to remember is, she is still only 6.5 - really young, from my POV.
She's entitled to be immature, because she is immature.

i think the same, that year 2, age 7, is a big milestone.
how about ignoring the bad behaviour and praising the good? jut being there is sometimes enough to stop the tantrum maybe?

Thanks Angharad - I think I was a dreamer too - so I'm not too worried - I just don't want her to get branded as a dipstick so young ! She is really good at writing and has a fab imagination - so I am wondering if she's just dreaming up stories ?

I have tried the warnings thing - but that's another thing - she still has no concept oif time - so thinks I am doing her out of her half-hour or whatever - and gets cross anyway !

Growing out of it I can cope with !

Ds was a dreamer in year 1, his teacher used to notice he would drift off into his dream world. I tried giving him those Omega 3 suppplements for a while which semed to help his concentration at school. When we stopped them he didn't go bacl to being a dreamer so I think it was just a phase and as the others said, it chould all change in the next few months.

Agree with other posters that some of this will definitely improve as she gets older - I've had a dreamy/irritable little boy, and at eight, he is starting to be less huffy and also less of a sievehead. They really do grow up a lot in Yr2, ds certainly did.
I don't know if another book would help but one that I and many many other Mners have found helpful is How to listen so kids will talk and talk so kids will listen". It's not that easy a read as it is very American in approach but its tactics are spot-on.

Rosa - dd is joining Brownies in September I hope - so hopefully it will be as good for her as it ahs been for your dd.

It's so hard this parenting malarkey !

Ah yes - I have that book in my large library of parenting books ! Feels odd doing it - but yes it does help !

Think I am trying too many techniques at once !

Could you give her a timer, one of those that you turn, and help her set it? It might help her to actually see the time running out?

I think what you could hang on to in this situation is that she sounds like a nice, quiet well-behaved member of the class.

Is Y2 still infnats ?

I get confused as at my dd's school she moves into the "Junior Block" for Y2 - which made me think Y2 was juniors - but I think I may be wrong ? Anyone know ?

Ah - had a timer - it caused more trouble than it was worth ! She threw it across the room in the end and broke it !

Y2 still infants.

Lol, lucylamb.

got with your own instinct i think.. don't worry too much about the books.. each child is unique so your parenting must be unique

My daughter is now 11, was always very shy at school and seemed to go into 'trances' (like you I didn't recognise the child they talked about at PE)but have realised that she just takes a long time to find her feet. She is going up to 2ndry school in September and is now top of the school in Maths and has been named 'Gifted and Talented' FWIW but she is still a bit shy!

Ignore it if you want my advice, she'll get there in her own time - she's 6 FGS, not 16!! If they can't be 'immature'(and I disagree with the term) at that age then when can they! I'd be far more worried about a disruptive child tbh.

Children just differ. I was very shy at school and one or two of my children have been, completely different from at home.

One of mine who didn't pay much attention when he started on fish oil there was a complete transformation as if Jesus had put his hands upon him actually, miraculous... now we might be seeing what isn't there but it's certainly worth trying.

fish oil tastes disgusting - mine wouldnt have it- no amount of bribary worked.

Right - so I am not to worry and let her find her feet/herself. Good !

Teacher said if she wasn't so excellent at English she would have been worried - but she is so that's OK. Teacher is lovely by the way !

Thanks for all your tips - I will relax !

Get a better tasting kind or in swallowable form or eat fish.