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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Son excluded and am feeling desperate

8 replies

sapphire · 02/09/2004 21:26

Posted elsewhere but I'm really in need of some morale-boosting support!

Feeling pretty desperate tonight so excuse me if I ramble ...

Has anyone got any tips on how to get a defiant ADD child to take Omega 3 fish oil? I tried Efalex but DS wouldn't have it, then got a Boots strawberry one which I've been sneaking in his bedtime strawberry milk drink for the last four weeks. Now he's decided he doesn't like the drink any more, so i tried sneaking it in other things and eventually just asked him to have it but he's refused and now hasn't had any for a week.

DS is nearly 7 and has just been diagnosed as Attention Deficit Spectrum with some autistic traits, possible Aspergers, oppositional defiant disorder and some coordination problems. Paediatrician recommended we try Omega 3 for six months before he considers anything else - I'd noticed a change while he was having it, but a week without and the old "Nasty DS" is coming back again.

He was excluded from school at the end of summer term, before the diagnosis was made, for repeated violent behaviour towards his teacher. All sorts of wrangles going on there. He's currently without a school and might not get admitted to the Behaviour Support Unit for two months. We're planning on moving at Xmas and he was going to go to a tiny village school where he'd get loads of attention but I've just found out today that his exclusion is going to make that difficult for various reasons.

I'm meant to be starting the third year of my degree course next week, and am doing my dissertation, moving house and getting married within the next year. it's all suddenly got too much for me. :(

Any advice/support much appreciated.

OP posts:

coppertop · 02/09/2004 21:33

Hi Sapphire. With so much going on it's no wonder you're feeling so stressed. I don't have any experience of the oils (though several mums on here do). My 4yr-old has a diagnosis of high-functioning autism.

Does your ds have a Statement for school? Did he get any extra help in the school he was excluded from?

Original poster

sapphire · 02/09/2004 21:50

The school have been really unhelpful. He had someone from behaviour support involved when he was in reception but then he improved and as they were leaving the job anyway school decided not to follow on the support. I was unhappy about the teacher he had for Year 1 as I had seen her supply teaching in my DD's class a couple of years ago - she could not cope with the more unruly boys and I told the school i didn't think she'd cope with DS, but they think she is wonderful.

His behaviour has got steadily worse since Xmas, they contacted Behaviour Support in March but referral didn't go through till July. I have asked them to get the Ed Psych to see him but they didn't feel it was necessary.

The day he was excluded (initially temporarily) I had called the LEA to find out about changing schools as I was so unhappy. the SN Director said I should go for a statement, then the school basically laughed at me and said they were providing everything possible, then my statement request was turned down, and school said they couldn't cope and would not have him back.

Am now just waiting for meeting for Governors to ratifiy the exclusion.

The school have absolved themselves of all blame and basically said that it is all mine and my ex-DH's fault, I'm a poor parent, I've never been able to control DS, it's cos I'm engaged/single parent/whatever. Funny how DD is top of her class and problem free ...

OP posts:

coppertop · 02/09/2004 22:13

Grrrrrr on your behalf. It always seems to be so much easier to blame the parents.

Are you going to reapply for a statement now that you have the dx? It might help with getting ds into the village school that you wanted. I just wish there was some way of shaming the old school but I suspect they will just get away with it. Have you been in touch with IPSEA? I know they're tough to reach in the holidays but they may be able to offer extra advice. I know of another forum where they are brilliant with practical advice about exclusion and SN (primarily AS/ASD but also related conditions). I can't do the links but if you go to:

www.krism.org.uk

they have a lot of resources in their Education section. They're also another friendly group of people.

coppertop · 02/09/2004 22:15

Grrrrrr on your behalf. It always seems to be so much easier to blame the parents.

www.krism.org.uk

they have a lot of resources in their Education section. They're also another friendly group of people.

coppertop · 02/09/2004 22:15

Grrrrrr on your behalf. It always seems to be so much easier to blame the parents.

www.krism.org.uk

they have a lot of resources in their Education section. They're also another friendly group of people.

coppertop · 02/09/2004 22:16

Eeek! Don't know what happened there!

Original poster

sapphire · 02/09/2004 22:21

Thnaks for the link, I'll have a look tomorrow - need to try and get some sleep now. I have been wondering about appealing about the non-statement - it's tricky because we'll be moving from Hants to Oxon soon, but might be worth having a go. I'm pleased I've got the diagnosis but everything looked like it was going to work out and now it's so confusing

ta for the support

OP posts:

bulimbabean · 02/09/2004 23:08

Hi Sapphire.
I used to work in LEA exclusions! Is the exclusion permanent? was there a reentry meeting after the fixed term, was your son on a psp or iep. I wrote a long post and lost it, suffice to say exclusions are a legal process the governors will meet 15 school days after the exclusion. Please contact ACE (advisory centre for education 02077049822) they will be able to support you through the exclusion and statementing issues and put you in touch with free legal services. The school has to provide school work to your son he is still on their roll, if they have not done so, contact the school and request a pack. Also call you LEA they have support - parent partnership or exclusion officers to help you. Also contact the new authority you are moving to, to find out what their provision is for primary excludees, just speak to their admissions area, dont need to give out personal information. It will vary from county to county. You are right in thinking his transfer will not be straight forward, if ratified his file will be passed across. I am sorry this is happening to you, it is a frightening and emotional experience, your son will be feeling very rejected, and you will have the added responsibility of having him at home, till this is completed. Please feel ask me any questions and i will try to help. My best advice is to contact ACE.

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