Am I being too harsh on toddler?

[codenameduchess]

I'm at my wits end!
3.5yo is constantly tantrumming, whinging and throwing herself around- full on limb flailing, bucking, rolling around the floor. Constantly baby talking or making animal noises or simply ignoring rather than speaking. She shouts over grown ups and pays no attention to what she's asked. This is honestly all the time, we rarely have an interaction without some combination of these.

No reports of this from nursery.

After weeks of it and everything failing I've taken a sort of hard approach, punished when she does the above with thinking time (time out) for 1 minute, removal of a toy or at bedtime a story taken away (gets 3 and usually holds on to one or two).

My mum says I'm too harsh because she's only young but I don't want a spoiled/rude child.

What's the MN opinion?

Is it working? It sounds like it might just lead to more tantrums and more frustration all round.
It does sound very difficult though op, maybe try to approach things from a positive perspective. Look for the positive and heap praise on any calm, positive interactions that she gives you.

How’s her speech codename? Could she be frustrated at all? Have you asked your HV for any advise?

This book might help and it’s only 99p on kindle at the moment.

Its frustrating (I know!) but she is only 3. My 7 year old still has difficulties regulating his emotions but is getting better at it with time.

Do your punishments work? If not, maybe focus on reward charts or distraction.

@JiltedJohnsJulie her speech is great, she's really good at expressing herself and has a decent vocabulary.

Thanks PPs.
The punishments stop the behaviour immediately but she'll start again after a short time. We praise/reward any good behaviour or achievement, have used reward charts and pretty much everything else!

Could have wrote this. Throw a new baby into the equation and we've a miserable home

It sounds like the problem is she very frustrated. You have to get to the root of the problem and what is causing this behaviour or else trying to scare her from doing it will not work. What triggers her to get into a tantrum?

@lovely36 literally anything. There's no pattern or reason... if she's asked to do sinerhung (brush her teeth, stop growling at the cat, put shoes on), if I use the wrong cup, speak to her, a fly touched her- the other day I asked if she'd like a cookie and got a meltdown!

You aren't harsh she may be little now but she'll grow up quickly and then it could be too late to get her in hand. I think of it this way " I'm not raising a child, I'm raising a future adult".