16 month old chooses me over his Mum :(

[kitthedog85]

Hi all, first time poster so don't bite!

I'm a father of a 16 month old boy and his Mum is getting really quite depressed about the fact that he will always go to me rather than her, be it when he wants a cuddle, hurts himself or wants to take one of our hands... there are situations where he goes to take his Mum's hand and then realises I'm there and comes to me and takes mine.

Amusingly, if we're round my Mum's (Nana's house), he'll go to her over both his parents!

I work full-time (although in field sales so I can get home early from time to time) whereas my other half works part-time after taking a year off for maternity.

From what I've read, it's very difficult to change this behaviour and I'm really feeling quite guilty about it all, even if I can't really control it. He starts nursery for 2 days a week next week, so maybe that will help?

What can I do to make the missus feel better about all this? I'm starting to worry about the effect it is having on her and it probably feels like a proper kick in the teeth considering the mammoth effort she puts in looking after what is quite frankly a 900mph child.

Any advice massively appreciated.

Kit

Well I assume he'll go to you because he loves you as much as his mum but doesn't get to see you as much, whereas he knows she's around more so time with her is less precious.
You can also reassure her that your LO goes to her when at Nanny's house - that's very telling.

I’m a Mummy who’s children quite often favour their daddy! Sometimes it gets me down but I think it’s lovely how much DC love daddy! Maybe he will be a daddy’s boy? It’s also probably because he doesn’t see you as much. I’m a SAHM so always with my DC but daddy goes to work so it is more exciting when he comes home!

Both of my children adore their daddy but particularly my daughter who is a right daddy’s girl!

I am certain that your son loves both of you just the same though and this could just well be a phase!

I wouldn’t feel guilty about it. You must be a fab daddy if he loves you so much!

My husband could have written exactly your post around 16 months ago. My DS, now 3.5, is much better, although still a daddy’s boy (i don’t blame him as he is much more fun than me) his affection has become much more equal and look to us for different things.

It destroyed me at the time and the rejection was so difficult to deal with. My husband felt exactly like you, you shouldn’t feel guilty, just keep reminding her she is doing a great job. I took comfort from the idea that my son was so secure with me that he could try to push me away but I wouldn’t go. Whether this was true or not, it helped.

Tell your wife, that it definitely is a phase. She should try being the fun one playing with your son while you tidy up for example. You should be the main disciplinarian for a while, leaving your wife to be the ‘goody’ with the aim of her comforting him when he has been disciplined. But ultimately, I think it’s just about letting the phase end. It lasted about a year for me, hopefully it won’t for you.

I don't think you should feel guilty as neither you nor your ds are doing anything wrong and to be fair I would say how his mum feels is the same as a lot of mums in her position. Don't change what you do for your son as that could be bewildering for him just include his mum eg if he is hurt and comes to you for comfort hug him and say let's hug mummy too and have a group hug.