Argh! Advice needed for destructive toddler!!!

[fatbetty]

My ds2 will be 3 in August and he is an absolute nightmare at the moment!! He just destroys practically everything and no matter what I do, it doesn't phase him! He is constantly breaking toys, or drawing on toys, walls, bed, or ripping up books. I've put up all the writing instruments, and is not allowed books in bed (ds1 does take a few books to bed) but he will get up at night and get one in his room. I'm now finding that I'm threatening to take all toys away from him, but he doesn't care (ds1 is very worried though).

Any advice as I'm about to completely lose it with him!! Please tell me that this is just a phase and he will grow out of it. I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel.

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My 20 month old is like that - I think it's just exploring (even though it's bloody annoyinig). But at almost 3, it seems more attention seeking. How do you respond when he does it? Do you have any kind of discipline approach - like using the step/time out? If so, does it have any impact?

How much time are you spending playing with him/giving him positive attention? I've noticed with my sons that if I'm not giving them my attention, that's when they start to be destructive to get my attention. But I'm also fairly firm about things if they have destroyed something.

Sorry you're going through this - i too feel like nothing in our house lasts.

same with mine -3 next month. what annoys me the most is the fact that nothing phases him either. He doesn't seem to care whatever I threaten.

I hope someone will come along soon with either practical advice or a reassurance that it will soon be over.

Tried star chart & naughty step but he still doesn't care.

I know it's difficult (I mean, I really do know from personal experience how impractical this can be), but only effective tactic I've found is to hover, just don't take your eyes off him, and stop him the moment he tries to go into Godzilla mode. Eventually he learns (mostl) that he can't do destruction for fun because you'll always stop him.

My ds will be 3 in aug and I have a 1yo dd - I have found ds getting increasingly pushy with his sister - too rough and making her cry.[ad]

I thought this would improve as he got closer to 3 - apparently not...

I have been making an effort to spend 'quality time' with him. We are going to intro sessions at Nursery school where I have to stay with him and can't bring dd. I am also cutting down his tv time and finding creative outlets for his energy. It is exhausting keeping him occupied but worthwhile. It is when he is bored/ tired/ needing to do a poo that he misbehaves most - so keeping him well fed watered and exercised (like a puppy) definately helps!!

HTH - you are most definately not alone. Btw I also do send him to his room for a couple of mins if he is repeatedly naughty (after a warning) - I think it helps if I can be seen to carry through threats iykwim

My posting sounds like ds is a nightmare - but he is a lovely boy (and I am sure your ds is) it is just that energetic children are also challenging and need a lot of input - I find my mum and in-law help out alot as they can take him out and give him loads of attention.

Buy the Toy Story DVD.

I've found it helpful with my little boy (2.8). Once he realized that he was like the bad boy who trashed his toys, he started, slowly, to react differently to his things.

It's never too young to get the idea started that your toys could actually dislike you for treating them bad!

Oh I might try that one - fed up with Thomas the Tank Engine!!! I think story's with a message can be very useful - as children at this age identify with books etc. on a very personal level.

Yes, you're right.

The Toy Story is a great morality tale which very young children can identify with. Once he's watched it a couple of times (because you know how they love repetition), you can start discussing the finer details with him.

Thanks for all your messages. Ds2 is really a lovely boy but I just find that I don't want to be with him when he is so horrible all the time (feeling like a bad mother saying that). I'm trying to give him loads of praise for everything good he does and spending more time with him. Time outs don't seem to work as he just goes without a fight and sits there and then bad behaviour continues once he is out. It's almost like he thinks "so it's a time out. I'll just continue what I was doing when I get out." Tried taking away toys but that doesn't phase him either. Can't believe how different Ds1 and Ds2 are. Ds1 believes all my threats (ie. taking toys away). Ds2 couldn't be bothered and usually calls my bluff!

lljkk, maybe keeping a closer eye on him for a while would be the best thing. Sometimes a bit difficult with 2 other kids.

I'm glad I'm not alone with this battle. Felt like completely losing it this afternoon.

Will have to try the Toy Story DVD with him as well and talk to him about it. He'll probably just turn to me and say "it's just a movie." But worth a shot!!!