3 year old can be so mean and defiant

[Pam0077]

Hi my DS is 3.10 and has always been full on and intense. He has always favoured my Dad his Grandad more than anyone which has brought me to tears many times. More recently he has been so very mean, I know he’s only 3 and a child, but it really is quite cutting! He says he just wants Grandad, tells me to go away and shut up, really defiant and then cries when I pick him up from day care. I think I just feel really pushed out and emotional, disappointed in a way that having a child has just not been the experience I hoped for. He’s lovely and we do nice things together but he is just so intense and his demands for Grandad really cut me up. At the minute he’s a little swine and is so bossy and pushes me away. Any advice? Is this normal? When will it get better?? Thanks in advance xx

I think you may be giving him too much power over you by getting so upset. Toddlers have very little control over their lives and if they can find away to exert some power them some will exploit it.

What do you do now when he asks for DGF or pushes you away?

Do you give him choices in the day too like do you want to wear the red jumper or the blue jumper? Small things like this can give them a sense that they are in control, whilst really you are offering very simple choices.

You're the adult and you need to make that clear to him. He doesn't need to prefer you but he does need to respect you. He should never and I mean never tell you to shut up nor push you away. If my son dared to say that to me well wow he would be getting told off even if he was 3. With respect comes love. It's ok if he prefers his grandad sometimes I think, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Also don't be a pushover, bet assertive. You're the mom.