My 3 year old is a little shit and I don’t know where to begin fixing him

[DonaldDucksTowel]

I have 4 DC and he is number 3, I have never been tested with my other children the way this one does
I think I’ve spoiled him and now I am really regretting it and I need to change things

He basically rules the roost, won’t sleep in his own bed, won’t sit at the table to eat a meal, I still have to put him in a pushchair because he just runs away from me at every given opportunity, has the most epic tantrums if he doesn’t get his own way (he’s currently in the middle of one I’m trying to ignore) and generally just does not listen, or flat out says no to things he’s told to do
We don’t really go anywhere anymore because of his behaviour and unpredictability

He is absolutely gorgeous and can be the sweetest most loving adorable little boy you’ll ever meet, but fuck he he makes life difficult
I’m slowly losing my mind, and my poor other dc just give in to him because it’s not worth the hassle

I’ve completely fucked up with this one

How was his development since birth? meeting milestones, talking, etc.?

Ok so we had a very bad day yesterday and now I feel slightly guilty that I called him a little shit (although he really was being at the time) but if it warranted a reply like singles then it was clearly an awful thing to say

Aladdin Development wise he’s been a bit of a mixed bag, he sat up/rolled over/crawled/walked/climbed/figured out how to open things he shouldn’t and destroy everything in sight ridiculously early (was crawling at 4 months, walking at 8, could confidently do stairs one foot at a time before 1) his talking was a little bit late, he’s still a little bit behind his age for things like letters/numbers/showing interest in reading etc and isn’t completely 100% potty trained yet
So miles ahead in some areas, but behind in others

Little bump

1 more hopeful bump, looking for advice
Please ignore the overly harsh title

No judgement here.

How is his understanding? How is his communication (can he talk well)?

Is it a case of sometimes he follows instructions and obeys and sometimes not, or is he consistently "naughty"?

Can he sit and concentrate, say if you read to him, or is he always on the go?

Thankyou Barbarian
His communication is ok, a little bit behind I’d say but not in a concerning way, it’s very rare we don’t understand something he says these days
He understands us perfectly, just chooses not to do what we say, he’ll generally laugh to or try to run away giggling like it’s a game, he doesn’t seem to understand when we aren’t playing and we actually mean things
I’ve never ever ever asked him to do something once and he’s done it, ever
And no he never sits still, not really interested in books yet, he only gets about 3 pages in and runs off, and the longest he’s ever watched tv was 20 minutes before he got bored and tootled off
He’s like a puppy, he’s at his happiest when in a large field just running around 🙈

You see, that makes me wonder if there is more to it than simple "naughtiness".

What happens if you get cross, or give him a consequence for bad behavior?

More to it is in possible SN?

If I get cross he doesn’t get it he just laughs or tries to make me laugh, depending on what the consequence is he’ll either laugh or he’ll have an almighty meltdown that can last for literally hours (which I usually give in to because it’s just too much, which I know isn’t helpful) but honestly, hours 🙈

So I see two possibilities here. One is that youve been blessed w two very easy going children (who never needed much in the way of guidance other than being told to do/not do something) and no. 3 is more determined/spirited/high maintenance and needs firm boundaries backed up by consequences for poor behaviour.

Alternatively, your first two children do the regular things kids do (pushing boundaries etc) and you parent them in a regular way and with no. 3 this just isnt working. In which case Id wonder whether he was choosing to misbehave or perhaps cant help it (actually doesn't understand what's expected of him, or v poor impulse control or something else like difficulties hearing).

So yes special needs could be one possibility. Asd, ADHD or hearing loss would all explain what you are seeing. But probably other things could too.

Ds2 was hard, hard work at that age and we suspected asd - but he isn't autistic, lots of his "bad" behaviour was rooted in anxiety. Wish Id known that when he was 4.

Sounds similar to mine, my first was so easy going in comparison. What helps us is very black and white rules example, you must hold hands in a car park or along pavements. If you don't it's straight back in car. Start with something easy to enforce then they get into the hang of obedience?

If he won't sit at the table for a meal, then no meal.

Sounds just like my son

Sounds exactly the same as my little boy. He's currently being looked at for asd

Discipline the rotten child !!